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Boundaries During Christmas and New Years, Episode 3


Hey housewives. Come on in. You know, the dirty dishes are still in the sink and the laundry is still in the basket, pop your air pods and make yourself at home here. I'm Tori. I'm Tracy, and we are your unlikely housewives stepping out in faith and believing that God calls me unlikely. We are here to show you the appreciation and validation you deserve, lead you to authentic relationships and release you from believing the cultural lies to restore your faith and wellness. Pull up those high waisted yoga pants, tighten your top knot and reheat your coffee for the third time today. Turn up the volume. And let's go. Hey, housewives, we are so excited that you are here. And this is a topic that we are a work in progress with. Yes, we are talking about boundaries for the Christmas season. I mean, in general, it really starts at Halloween. Yeah, so the whole fall, winter, fall holidays, all the things. And so we are talking about what we're learning what we're trying to work through with these boundaries and why they're important. And the difference that we have learned life with boundaries, life without boundaries, boundaries really became a part of our lives. And a good while at the time, it was a good word. But the pandemic really started our worlds boundaries. Yeah, we were forced into those boundaries a little bit. Yes. And we were told what we could do what we can't do. Now, some of those things have relaxed or not. But everybody at this point has decided what is good for their family, and what is not good for their family, things that they feel comfortable with and things that they don't feel comfortable with. So people really are more likely to share that and not have that guilt or obligation to do something that they don't feel comfortable with. Right. I think boundaries is a new, it's like a trending word. Hot Topic. Hot. Yes. Hot Topic. I don't like authenticity, or there's a lot of words out there that just they're influencer. Yeah, it's more prevalent now than a few years ago. I mean, when we were newly married and having kids, I don't think anybody was like, hey, what what are the boundaries you have in place to protect your family? Or to have to protect your marriage? Yeah. relationship with your spouse? Yeah, it wasn't talked as much as it is now. And so I think boundaries becomes a, how far do you go with it? You know, is it just a, I'm gonna say yes to this. I'm gonna say no to that. You know, where's the healthy balance? It has a negative connotation to Yeah, because people are thinking boundaries, like, Ooh, I'm cut off. I can't do that. The way that we look at diets, right? You look at the all the things you can't have. You're not looking at all the things you can have. Yeah. And our brains do not process negative thoughts. You just can't. It's like, don't think of an elephant. You immediately thought of an elephant. Dang it. I did. Weird. The boundaries of it. That's part of it. But the reason that we're talking, again, why we wanted this topic is because one, we're in a work in progress worse. Absolutely. And so not only do we think that this podcast helps us as well, because it allows us to process things and hold ourselves accountable. Exactly. And then also, we know that some of our housewives that are listening are either really great at it their work in progress, or they haven't even thought of it yet. Yeah. And so we know that there's everything in between. And so we wanted to work through this with our housewives. Yeah. And I am definitely someone who didn't have any a few years ago. So I'm gonna share that just briefly just kind of that I am a Enneagram to I'm a helper, I'm a pleaser. I'm a lover of all people. And I had a really hard time of saying no, and I'm talking in just to helping people, if they're like, Hey, can you do this for me? Absolutely. I'll do it. I'll run here. I'll go there, I'll grab this. I'll be there next Saturday for this party, I'll be there. You know, I was there for everything. Because one, the FOMO kicked in. And it had that fear of missing out. I didn't want to be someone who wasn't a part of it, whether it added value to me or not. I just didn't want to miss it. I just had no boundaries. And I think it was probably my husband who's recognized it more than others. And this is something that you and I have actually talked about with our spouses is that, you know, my husband doesn't want to have that full calendar. Like he didn't like when I would just put something on the calendar and be like, Hey, this is what we're doing on Friday. When was the last Friday night we had free you know,


my husband's exact same way. Yeah, who would rather have things empty and have the ability to go off and do things and you know, like, you know what, we haven't been to the cider mill in a while. We haven't done this have that freedom versus having the packed calendar. And this is going from here to here to here to here to here. Yeah. In the problem without having boundaries is it bled over into my marriage bled over into the time I'd spend with my kids, it bled over into my work like there was no, there was no margin. And I've done a lot of personal growth to get margin, I've gone through a lot of painful things that like the saying no, and just not showing up for things for some people, whether it was a holiday party or an event they were hosting. It's kind of funny, because I have a saying that one of my friends, we were out to lunch one time, and I was dragging my feet on trying to go to something and like, I just I have so much to do I need to get home Baba and she goes Honey, if it's not a hell yes, it's a no. I was like, hey, that is a good way to look at it. Like if you aren't saying like, Yeah, this is something I want to do. I need to do. It's gonna bring joy to me, my family or my marriage, whatever, then that's the boundary. Yes. Say No, when you don't go. A lot of times we convince ourselves that we need to do something when we don't need it. Yeah, yeah, there's a difference between what I mean, and I need to go to this friends, such and such. And we, again, we convince ourselves with these things, but if the cost outweighs the benefits, it's not a need. And especially during Christmas, yeah, Christmas, we forget what the season is all about 95% of the time. Yeah, we acknowledge it on the day of Jesus's birth. Yeah. But during the whole month of December, when we're going to see the lights going to the holiday parties, are we really acknowledging why we're celebrating why we're having the holiday party, why we're choosing, and that's something that I want to get better at. Absolutely. And I know friends that do like the AVID calendars, or the devotionals. And I know that those are really great, or there's so many great things with their kids, yes, to help remind them of what Christmas is on a daily that I want to encourage. I even said it to my husband this morning. It's December 1, well, that's when we're recording. And I want to be able to start that Advent, you know, calendar, and let's hold each other accountable. And let's do that. And let's not let the busyness of our evenings overcome that. So when we say we're working progress, friends, we are like, it is still a challenge. But I do want to go back to you saying like going to the lights and doing all the things like we make the list of what we want to do in October, we do it for the pumpkin patch, cider mill, the, you know, we make the list of all the things we want to do for the traditions, the memories, and we do it for the holidays, too. And I think the reason that we wanted to talk about this in our podcast right now is because it's not 2020 when so many people didn't do anything. It's 2021. And some things are lacs, and people are going let's just do what we didn't get to do last year, you know, and we've seen that from the fall, we've seen that with thanksgiving, which has been a joy to see everybody is, you know, celebrations of the holidays and being together. And all the family time. That's been wonderful to see. But we're also seeing all the invites pop up. Like, hey, we're having this holiday dinner this night. We're having, you know, on Facebook, when you can see who's going somewhere. Oh, yeah. With the near us. Yes, I just did that this last week. And I was like going, Oh, they're going to this. Let me check that out. Oh, they're going to. And I mean, I had to stop myself and be like, I can't sign my family up for everything. And the thing that we forget is that boundaries are healthy. Yeah. And when you walk into the month of December with the expectation of, we're going to keep Christ first. Yes, that's the point. And then, and we're going to do some of our traditions, we may not get to all of them this year, and that's okay. And you accept that and go, we may not get to go and see the lights, but our lights maybe going to see you know, just driving around the neighborhood one evening with hot chocolate. That might be it. And that's okay. And being accepting of that. Because once the thing that you don't want to miss out on is when you get into that hustle mindset. Yeah. And the busyness you're missing the whole point. Is that family time in your whole family all that they're seeing his mom who is like, Come on, guys, we got to do this. We got to do this. I'm snapping by the way.


My how to go friends. It's true, though. I mean, yes, we did a lot of this last year of the, you know, Christmas movies, cuddling up on the couch and our Christmas jammies with hot chocolate and watching Christmas movies. And that was awesome. You guys. I purposely don't have stuff on the calendar this month. And it's the what's on the calendar is Christmas movie night, because that was a memory we made last year. I love that. And we did that like once or twice before. We've got a couple favorites of our favorite movies, you know, elf and A Christmas Story and Christmas vacation. I mean, I could keep going. I guess we like those Christmas movies. But we do home alone. Oh my gosh, we could just keep going. I don't think my kids have seen that. Yeah, I think we've watched 1234 They're still going. Not anymore. Kevin's a little old, I think, yeah. But the point being those things, just Christmas movie, that's special, that's a memory. And you don't have to do a whole lot with it. And I think that's where that's a boundary, you know, of not filling the calendar, just doing some of those small things at home. And you had talked about it at the beginning of the episode. But really, the boundaries are, you're afraid that it's a negative thing, or you're setting something in place. And it's a limitation, I want you guys to challenge yourself to look at is like you're really freeing yourself, you're giving yourself that time, you're giving yourself time back that you didn't have. And we experienced that last year naturally. And now that we have started to get back into things, and our schedules are starting to get busier, we're going to essentially do it with the holidays, too. We're going to fill those calendars we want to challenge you guys to free yourself of that keep those boundaries in place. Really don't let the guilt drive your decisions of what we did this in the past. This is what we did in 2019. This is what we did before the pandemic. So we need to do it all again. Don't let that guilt of what we're not doing what we used to, like don't let that drive your decisions are different. Yeah, you can do it different and can make new ones. And I think before last year, we were afraid we couldn't so we were stuck in that pattern. Oh, yeah. We were making up for lost time. Yes. Trying to do that. Well, and I think part of that is and I think this leads us into our next one is that when you create these boundaries, when you say yes to certain things and notice certain things, you're protecting your mental health. Yeah. So many times, we're absolutely exhausted come January 2, and that is because we have just over done ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, going through all the things. The other thing too with that is by protecting our mental health, we have to realize that no is not a negative thing. Yeah, no is a neutral statement. And so when you tell somebody, and they invite you to a party, and you say no, we're not going to be able to make it this year, that's a neutral statement. That is not you offending them in any way. Now, if they take offense to it, that's a dumb thing. That's not a youth thing. Correct. And so if they say, Oh, well, Torridon come to my holiday party for this, and this and this, I can't control that. Right? I cannot control that my priority was protecting the peace. And the season for my family of telling somebody no doesn't mean that you don't like them. It doesn't mean that you're, you're not friends, you don't have to go to everything you tell people No. And if they're truly people who know you love you support you, you telling them no is not gonna affect them whatsoever. I want to say to that, you know, telling them no, and not going is really guarding your heart, especially in this season. Right now, I know how, you know, Thanksgiving or the fall has been for some of you and being around family. But there's been so much turmoil in the world, politically, socially, that when you open yourself up to going to all of these things, again, into environments that are open conversations, you may enter a conversation that you don't want to be a part of, and you're going to have some uncomfortable conversations, maybe some tension in the room. And that's not something that used to really happen before at holiday parties, or at family gatherings. Like, yeah, maybe some family gatherings, you'd have some tension. But what I'm getting at is, if you know where you're going, or what you were invited to, will bring that saying, No, guard your heart, protect yourself from opening up that trigger that wound of that conversation that you just don't want to get into. Because then you walk away from that event or that situation with you're dealing with this all the anxiety and anxiousness after the fact right. So then why did you go yeah, that is destroying your piece that you wanted to have this Christmas season anyway. Exactly. Now we both know that there are times where it's almost like a mutual understanding in certain groups of friends we have we disagree with on politics, socially, all those kind of things. We just won't talk about it. Exactly. You can still be friends, you can still love each other, you can still serve each other. And if you


want to go to something, and you know that they're not going to bring like it's a mutual understanding. We just don't talk about that, because we're going to agree to disagree. Then go I mean, that can be a thing that you go to. Yeah, and that can be up to you. Yeah, and some families have that. And some families don't. So whichever side that you're on, know that we just want to encourage you to have a boundary with it, right? So you're gonna set that boundary, we're not here to set the boundaries for you. We're just here to say, hey, figure out what that boundary is. And ultimately, a boundary is either what's right what's not what goes what doesn't. That's that simple. It's just setting a limit so that you can enjoy where you're at or what you're doing, whether it's family gathering, a holiday party, etc. And it's going to limit the stress that You're gonna have all your there and when you go home, residual stress Yes. Piling up of like, oh my gosh, I don't have my Christmas shopping I don't have the things yes, because it's all of that what we have another boundary topic that we need to discuss and the holiday season. And considering that you and I are in health and wellness and boundaries need to be set for taking care of ourselves, that is a huge thing that happens basically from Halloween. When you start the sugar. We did it when you start the Halloween, the sugar and it goes into the holiday and then it goes into Christmas and you're like what the heck, let's just keep going. Okay, we need to set some boundaries, friends with overindulging in eating and drinking. And that is something that we just want to talk about just real briefly and just remind you that it doesn't have to start on a Monday, it doesn't have to start on January 1. When you stop the overindulging. You can set a boundary that says, hey, I don't have to have the sugar and an alcoholic beverage every single night. I could just indulge on this holiday party on Friday night, or just another event that you're going to it doesn't have to be. This is just the reason that this season and we're just gonna keep on going. Right. And when you go to a holiday party, you don't have to have four drinks. No, you also don't have to eat the entire piece of pie. No. I mean, it depends depends on it. It depends on it as my mother in law's cherry pie. Oh, no. Actually my very good. Oh, competition, I see it in the future. But that's something to is not every meal or holiday party is your last meal. And I totally guilty this as a Enneagram. Seven. And we are lightning is our vice Yeah. And so we feel like I have to order all the things or I have to like this is going to be my last dessert and ever going to have I'm going to enjoy all of it. So not the case. No, but it's just a reminder that like you can have boundaries on I can have a couple of alcoholic beverages on the weekend. And then during the week, I'm going to go to the gym or, you know, don't forego your entire health and wellness routine for the month of December. Yeah. And it's just something that we've always done, right? It's an expectation, yep, expectation that, hey, we'll get back at it in January. And we're here to tell you, you don't have to wait till January. It's okay to just, you know, make those decisions during the week, set your boundaries around it. You know, we're faster as we do intermittent fasting here. And they're like, hey, that's what I'm going to do this week, this month, because that's what I can do. That's what I can control right now. You know, there's different things that you can do just in your general health and wellness journey. And obviously, moving your body is going to be the most important every single day. Yeah, because everybody wants to gift you cookies and brownies. And I am here to take it. Oh, man, I'm all about it. But I don't have to have it every single day. And I can have half a cookie. Cookie. Yes, that's your boundary and come back to it or whatever that is, yeah, well, let's just say we're doing it differently this year than we did in 2019. When we were doing all the things, signing it up, fill in the signup geniuses to answer and all that he bites, doing all the things, you know, celebrating all the time, all of that is great. And we just want to encourage you to have those boundaries this year to where you're guarding your heart. You're protecting that mental health in this holiday season. And you're focusing on Jesus, and you're focusing on his birth this holiday season, what that means to you to your family, and really just taking that time to protect that peace and protect that space. And


I think that there's not really anything else we can say on that. Except just to encourage you that again, just because we've brought this topic, we're learning. Yep, we're a work in progress. We are a hot mess with a microphone. Yes, that's it. That's the only difference. And so, for our call to action this week, what we would really love is we want to know what boundaries you have set in place, or a boundary that you're going to set in place. And so we would love to do that. There's a post in our Facebook group, put your boundary in there just so we can have a conversation. We just want to be able to communicate with you and learn from you. Yeah, just as much as hopefully you're learning from what we're sharing as well. Yeah, well and I want to share my last housewife tip to our lovely housewives of a boundary that I have set okay. I do not go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink. My sink has to be cleaned every single night and my dishwasher fully loaded and running when I go to bed. Wow. Yeah. Because I like to get up in the morning. Do my quiet time have my coffee, my time with the Lord and then I go and I start prepping breakfast for the kiddos to get ready for school. Think is clean in the sink is clean and it starts my day off really really good. That is a good boundary. It's a hard one. I mean I could be exhausted and still need to clean the kitchen but I will make my coffee every single night and you know clean the coffee pot. Put the coffee grounds in and make my coffee pot so they don't wake up. It's auto and going. So if I have to go to this thing to wash it out and I see dirty dishes in the sink, I stop and I do my dishes before I start my coffee. I know. That's it. So there's a boundary friends, share with us what's working for you, housewives. We thank you so much for joining us on this week's call and we will see you next time. Whether we made you laugh or cry today, we pray you feel appreciated bolder and braver than yesterday. stronger and more faithful for tomorrow, but living in who you were made to be today. Join our online community on Facebook, find our link in the show notes. You shared a review and subscribe on Apple podcasts or wherever you enjoy listening. Until next time, housewives we give you permission to walk confidently freely be intentional in your slippers or so let us

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