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Unapologetic, Episode 1

Intro: Hey Housewives, come on in you know the dirty dishes are still in the sink and the laundry is still in the basket. Pop your AirPods in and make yourself at home here. I'm Tori I'm Tracy, and we are your unlikely housewives. Stepping out in faith and believing that God calls the unlikely we are here to show you the appreciation and validation you deserve, lead you to authentic relationships and release you from believing the cultural lies to restore your faith and wellness. Pull up those High waist yoga pants tighten your top knot and reheat your coffee for the third time today turn up the volume and let's go

Tori: Hey housewives we are so excited to be here. This has been a long time coming. This could not get here soon enough for me. I wanted to buy microphone as soon as we agreed to do a podcast.

Tracy: And I needed a little bit more time to get to this place.

Tori: Right, no don't get me wrong. I was still anxious this morning when I thought about recording and doing all that. And I'm like, it's not like I'm standing in front of people doing this I'm just sitting here next to you in a closet.

Tracy: yeah, I think I was a little bit more nervous to hear my voice.

Tori: Oh, the voice thing yeah.

Tracy: I mean, I want people to hear what I have to say. I just don't like hearing my voice. So I'm gonna get over that.

Tori: Should we get a voice changer for you? That’s usually fun.

Tracy: That'd be awesome.

Tori: Every episode Tracy is going to have a different voice that you'll have to guess.

Tracy: I mean, I do read books to my children in funny voice. It's one of their favorite things to do. So I could start doing that with all of you guys.

Tori: That would be great I think that we should do that-

Tracy: I'll get more comfortable before we do that.

Tori: Well, we are so excited clearly, and we wanted to start off this episode talking about being the unapologetic 2019 and 2020 and 2021 has done quite a number on us, everyone in general. But in the last two years, that is where the unlikely housewives were created. So this episode we do wanna share with you how the unlikely housewives of Joco was created we also want to share with you a couple of things that really we think made a difference on us being in this space.

Especially a big portion of that is when both Tracy and I moved to Kansas, her from Chicago, myself from Dallas. And we wanna talk about what it looks like when you move to be a lifer versus a transplant.

Tracy: I think we both have experience living somewhere for a really long period of time. Lifers are being, I would say so when you've been somewhere for like 5, 10 years you kind of start to like truly live there. But when you move, like we have a few times you become that transplant where, okay we're gonna settle down. We're gonna try to build our family here and create something new and there's quite a process with that.

Tori: Absolutely and then as we go on, we are going to end every episode with a call to action for you. And that is going to inspire the unlikeliness in you because God calls the unlikely and really it's because of him that we started this podcast to begin with.

Tracy: Absolutely. He said; go be some hot messes on a podcast

Tori: In front of tons of people.

Tracy: And we were like, you're kidding.

Tori: Well, I wasn't, I was like, well of course you want to stand in front of people and them God, I'm very good at this.

Tracy: Yeah. I knew that I was gonna use my voice one day because I was that kid in school that like always got in trouble for talking in class. So I knew I was gonna use my voice, but I didn't know it would be like this much. I thought I could hide a little bit more but he said no more.

Tori: Isn't that so like, God?

Tracy: Yep. So now we're being obedient, we're stepping into this space and we're gonna talk to you.

Tori: Please give us grace,

Tracy: Lots of it.

Tori: Lots of grace. We're just doing what we're told

Tracy: And what's been amazing about it is the challenges that we've been through. And I'd say since July, as we've started to create unlikely Housewives and really come up with the name, how we got here, we both we're two people with two totally separate journeys and walks with the Lord and just in our own life and how we got here. You'll learn a little bit more about us as we continue each episode as we go further. But with us we didn't know each other 5 years ago. And so when we come together and we are creating this,

Tori: were you just saying, we didn't know each other five years ago. And I was like, wait, huh. Well, it doesn't feel like that. Well like that's what the incredible thing is.

Tracy: But we have had this, both of us, this separate journey. So when we come together and we're like both bringing this vision together to do a podcast to be the unlikely to step out into that and to be the housewives and kind of play off that we weren't sure where we were gonna go. And what I think the really cool thing was unlikely. And you said it when you were talking about it a little bit earlier when we were pre-planning like, God truly calls the unlikely and there's a little bit of that in everybody.

Tori: Every single one of God's people are unlikely. And I mean the Bible, obviously every single Bible story is an incredible example of that between Esther in a palace Paul in a prison, Noah nobody believed him for over a hundred years while he was building the arc

And then we don't necessarily, as a wife, a mom, a daughter, a friend, we don't typically consider ourselves on the same level as a person from the Bible. Because we look at these people on such high pedestals and say, well, I couldn't do what Noah did. I don't think I could put up with the criticism and the mocking for a hundred years, why I built a boat and it hadn't rained I don't think I could. But I also think that's where a lot of our disconnect is and when it comes to obedience with God and this podcast is really truly for Tracy and I both an active obedience. And for you, our housewives that are listening with us, starting a podcast may not be your active obedience, but there is something that God is calling you to do in your circle, in your life, in your circle of influences that he wants you to do.

And it's unlikely. And you may feel like the unlikely, like I'm not capable of doing that, but that's exactly why God wants you to do it because it's in your weakness is his strength.

Tracy: As we have created, we've already talked a lot about; our future episodes and what we're gonna dig into. I think God's using a lot of topics that we like to sweep under the rug. And we don't like to talk about, we really wanna bring out some of these topics about how we feel and the one we're gonna speak on here today is just that when you move or you live somewhere, you're creating something for you personally, your marriage, your family in relationships. And you're either a lifer which you grew up there, maybe you went to college came back and lived there which is what a lot of Johnson cony is.

And also, I mean, no matter where you live, you're gonna experience some people that have grown up there and you're gonna experience people who have moved there for jobs or just opportunities or better school district or something like, or follow loved one. And with both of us, we've experienced that on a couple different levels. And I think when we started talking just a few years ago, really, when we met, it was about how alone we felt in a community that is a thriving community, full of incredible people, intelligent people and some amazing churches and you're trying to find your place. And I think that's when we were like, but how can we still feel so alone? And it's so amazing and I think we wanna talk about that a little bit, because we want you guys to realize that hey, if you're sitting at home kind of like what we like to do, doing our dishes, doing our laundry and you’re starting to thing.

Tori: Well, nobody really likes to do those things, but yes, those are the things that-

Tracy: That is true. That is when we let our minds work.

Tori: Yes, exactly. And you just let it go, but-

Tracy: And you gonna overthink a lot.

Tori: So let's go back to that. So when you moved here from Chicago, five years ago. Now tell me a little bit about your husband.

Tracy: He's originally from here, so this was moving home for him but not for me.

Tori: This is a new home for you?

Tracy: Yeah. And we lived in Chicago for almost 14 years and we have four kids and we had created such an incredible community through both our work and our children and our church, like we were rooted. And I think that becoming lifer part really is like, you're rooted where you live.

And so when we moved here, it was that uprooted feeling. And I think I spent so much time working for my children's relationships and helping them feel comfortable when we moved that I kind of forgot about me. And I just started making friends with my kids friend's family. That just kind of naturally happened four kids; I was making so many connections, incredible ones.

Tori: Well you these people all the time, your kids are in sports. So it's the same parents that you see at the soccer field or the baseball field. And so those relationships automatically grow. But a lot of times those are not the relationships that we need. We just settle for those relationships.

Tracy: And a lot of 'em are still some of my really good friends today and they know who they are and it's because they've walked through the hard stuff with me, I've been asked the questions of like, how are you doing?

What do you need? Those kinds of things and I think that's what I longed for having had it in Chicago when I moved here. And when I was really struggling and something we've talked about, my husband gave me the great advice of like really just focus on those five core relationships. Like just let them pour into you. And I did, but none of 'em were here. It was my best friend back home, my family, college friend like people that I was really close to, they were pouring into me. But it's crazy how you can have so many of those incredible relationships, but when you're in your home and you're driving around in your community and you're heading to different places and sports, you can still feel alone cuz that person's not gonna be there that just walks up and gives you a hug and says, how are you today How are you doing? Like checking in on you

Tori: It makes a huge difference for a local person to have that local ride or die go-to person who gets you. All of you who accepts the weirdness, who is there when you're not feeling great and goes no really like sit down, let's talk about it. I mean, I'm fortunate, one of my best friends, I've known her for 30 years, which is hard to say, I mean there are some marriages that don't last that long. And she is my person, but it's so hard not being in the same town as her like there's so much of each other's lives that we miss and I think a lot of times we settle for thinking, like she's always in the back of my mind, like that is always a person that I know I can rely on.

We all need those friends that are gonna help us hide the body or bail us out of jail. Like I know that if I-, she's one phone number, this is also a fun note. You have to have one phone number that you have memorized that is not your parents or your husband.

Tracy: And I don't know that I can do that right now.

Tori: Because that can be your one person that can bail you out of jail. And if you don't want your parents or you're spouse to know. So you need to memorize my phone number but that is such a different feeling like when her and I are in the same space and I go back and visit her in Texas it's as if nothing time has not passed were the exact same and I know you have that with some friends.

But it's on a day to day basis. It's so nice to have somebody who can like you said, give you that physical hug or to drop off food when you don't feel good and take care of your family in such a way. And I think, again, we rationalize oh, well its okay. I can FaceTime, I can do all these things and so we don't go out and seek those authentic relationships with people.

Tracy: And God calls us into fellowship. Like that is what we need, that's where our community is. Let me just define that while this whole, like you're a life or where you live or you're a transplant, we aren't just talking about Johnson cony. We're talking about everywhere.

Tori: And we're talking about if you didn't catch in our first little trailer but Johnson cony, Kansas is where we live, which is an incredible community. It also happens to be the wealthiest community in the state of Kansas where we live and so while that brings great advantages and opportunities, it also comes with a lot of challenges.

Tracy: That like comparison, which is the thief of joy, just there's a lot that comes along with that. But we wanted to make sure you guys realized, because we know you're listening from all around. You can feel this and you can recognize this where you are. When I lived in Chicago, I mean, it's one of the most transient cities ever. And we're gonna have people listening from bigger cities as well. And people come and go all the time and so while they say those people leave footprints on your heart and they're there for that season of life that you're living when you're a transplant and again we've moved here and this is our home now and we're settling and we're gonna get deeply rooted.

And we're hopefully gonna stay here for a really long time. There's a lot of people that don't have that on opportunity. And I admire the military families and so many people like that do live this transplant constant life, but long for that and claim it early because they've done it. And they find their people they've had that growth some haven't probably, but some have. So when we're talking about the growth, like you and I have had a law of growth, so we haven't really touched on your story, Tori. So let's just real quickly talk about how the story that you've moved not once, but twice.

Tori: So I born and raised in north Dallas and months after our wedding, my husband decided to, accept a job offer. I mean, we clearly had talked about it obviously, but to take a job offer in Baltimore, Maryland.

And so that was the furthest I'd ever lived away from my parents ever. And we moved to Maryland without knowing anybody, we didn't have kids at the time and so that has been one example of learning, how to be the transplant in the area. We ended up only staying there for about a year and a half, moved back to Texas where my family still was, his parents moved into the Dallas area as well. And then five years later we at that point had kids and he accepted a job here in Kansas, in Johnson cony. And so moving away from both sets of grandparents, we now had our two girls and again knew absolutely no one. And that's very different moving to a city when you don't have kids and know no one and then it's also very different when you do have kids and still don't know anyone.

And those were very different situations. Granted, now we have a set of grandparents that have moved up here with us. That live about five minutes away from us, which is great. And we have like, you have got our roots down that we fully intended be here as long as we can and as long as God uses us in this spot. But it's a different when you move to a city and don't know anyone, you don't know where to start. You don't know how do you find recommendations for places in that area? Like so many of us go to Facebook, hey I'm visiting such and such, where should I go try moving to a city and trying to figure out what that's like. Like what neighborhood? Where's a good part of town? Where's the bad part of town? Church homes, schools, you go off recommendations of people you don't even know or just what Google says because that's all the information you've got.

Tracy: I was fortunate enough, obviously having my in-laws here as well. And some friends of my husbands that I was able to say, where's the veterinarian, where is this place to shop or go to for things. So I was able to get a few things in the beginning, which was helpful. But I remember once we finally connected, we were kind of doing that a little bit more too.

Tori: Absolutely and it also helps for me that you had been here for 18 months before I had there was that time difference. It also was a great help for I mean part of our story is our kids. Our kids we have our youngest is the exact same age and so having kids in the same age groups and age ranges is really nice because then you know, hey let's do this.

Or this worked really well cuz having girls is [inaudible17:23] gymnastics and other sports and use this soccer team or that soccer, whatever it is-

Tracy: And that's a whole nother level we’re going talk about later. Let's change gears a little bit and obviously we've talked about moving here and the feelings of that and we are going to dive into a lot of feelings and relationships and friendships and things and down the road. But one of the things that we wanted talk about is we're not who he used to be and that's okay.

Tori: Exactly and I would even go as far to say is I can see a distinct difference in myself from the person I was my family in north Dallas. I became a completely different person; I became more of my true self when I moved to Kansas than I ever have in my entire life.

Which is fascinating to me because born and raised in north Dallas, I knew that city like the back of my hand, I had friendships, family the longest time things like that. But when I moved here, I didn't have to be who people thought I was 10 years ago, there was no preconceived notions. They had no expectations of what-

Tracy: You could leave some stuff behind.

Tori: Exactly. And that is exactly what I did, I left a lot of baggage, mental, emotional, because we all do it let's be honest we all add things too our personalities or well they want me to be more like this or you're a quieter person when I'm not a quiet person. And I used to kind of hold my tongue in certain circles and when I came here, I decided you know what I'm kind of done with that age made a difference too.

Tracy: Little bit wiser.

Tori: And also you get to that point where I was exhausted. Exhausted trying to be somebody meet other people's expectations. When I felt moving here gave me the opportunity, you know what? I'm gonna be me and then I'm gonna find the people that like me for me and it's not, now this is all to say that my friends in Dallas I love and adore them. And I know that they loved and adored my weirdness, my quirks, all my things and so there were certainly that too, but it does when you get to start over and you decide that's it, that's the key. When you get to start over, you don't just fall in line you just say, I'm gonna be who I am and the people that like me will like me and the people that don't, don't, that is the greatest gift that you can possibly have.

Tracy: And I think that's what I admire so much about you is that you are so true to yourself. And you're so honest because I think on the flip side, I struggled with that when I moved here because I had all of that in Chicago, I had the groups, I had the mom's group. I had the church friends, the school friends, the neighbors; like our neighborhood was amazing I had 45 kids on the block. Like people would go outside, they'd take care of your kids, they'd come back over like we were just a community. And I had that so when I moved here, it was those expectations I expected that would all be the same.

But you wanna know one of the things that was the weirdest, when I moved here is when you would pull in a garage in your neighborhood and the garage door shut, you actually don't see people unless it's really nice outside. That was the weirdest thing for me because when I was in Chicago, we would park on the street. So you'd get out, you'd say hey to the neighbors when you were getting home, I mean you saw people all the time. You don't see people as much here, unless it's a gorgeous day outside Side note.

Tori: What's so funny. It's coming from Texas there are very few alleys where we in north Dallas, they just don't make alleys anymore all the garages are on in the front. So when people pulled into their driveway, they pulled into the driveway and shut the garage here. We were actually surprised on how much more people come out and seek out and talk to you versus Texas coming from that so you and I have actually had the opposite. The other thing that bothered us so much about coming from like in Texas, we had an eight foot board on board fence for our backyard here in our neighborhood.

It's required to have that rod iron spacing people see your entire back space. And that was like a huge shock of like, wow when you're in your backyard, like everybody knows it.

Tracy: They're watching, they wanna come play.

Tori: They wanna come play. But that has been a very big adjustment for us too, is because like, we have this monster place at now and kids are naturally attracted to it, which is great cause my girls love it. They're like, come on over so that's funny that we had opposite reactions to that.

Tracy: Yeah. So I know random tangent get used to those cause we're gonna do that a little bit but let's go back to this, let's talk about the whole, we're not who we used to be and that's okay. And I think we wanna go back to, we were talking about this beforehand and when you move, you're getting settled.

You're finding out who you are and guess what? We got hit with a pandemic so we are gonna talk-

Tori: Did you guys get hit with the pandemic too? Did that happen everywhere?

Tracy: Is 2020 a [inaudible22:30]

Tori: we're the first rule of 2021 is we don't speak of 2020.

Tracy: we've realized that we changed when we moved. So that was our first level I would say that we just like peeling back the layers. We've become so much more of who God called us to be in that space when we moved. But then in 2019, obviously things started to change and then we're just not who we used to be. And I think that's what we wanna talk about we've changed a little.

Tori: And when we say we, we mean everybody. Whether people acknowledge it or not, we have to realize that the world we live in is not the same we have to realize that we can list everything from pre COVID to post COVID.

Tracy: That was that year of like that was our last like normalcy. That was that full year, 2019.

Tori: That's real normalcy is a fallacy so we have got now since everything people we're almost two years in, I mean, at this point we are almost coming on to the second anniversary of when the initial lockdowns came up. So have you taken the time to realize what's different? What about you has changed? Good, bad I think for us, we have gotten more family time. That can be good, that can be bad.

Tracy: I also think, I mean, we gotta talk about the marriages those are different.

Tori: Absolutely

Tracy: But I think we've talked about it a lot. Our husbands weren't home until 2020.

Tori: We both have husbands in sales, sales like jobs. So our husbands would work 60 to 70 hours a week, our husbands would see their coworkers, their employees, their supervisors, their bosses, more often than they would see us, their spouses and their children. So to switch in a matter of weeks, I think its weeks for you too it was incredible.

Tracy: And we know we're not alone that's why we're talking about it

Tori: exactly.

Tracy: You guys had some traveling husbands that all of a sudden were home-

Tori: Or you traveled. As, I mean, you might be a working mom, a working wife, you might have been traveling or you might have been the one that was gone 60 to 70 hours a week and all of a sudden it brought you home to work from home.

Tracy: We know that all these relationships, with your spouse, with your children, I mean, some of us had to homeschool her kids. Some of us had to find alternative arrangements we were doing hybrid school. I mean, we've worked through so much with spouse and our marriage and children, relationship wise, emotionally, spiritually, that was a hard year but thank goodness.

Tori: There was a lot of praying that I would not go to jail.

Tracy: There we go.

Tori: Please God don't let me kill them.

Tracy: You prayed for some serious [inaudible25:34].

Tori: I did in the beginning of the pandemic is when I told my neighbors and I said, Hey if you see me digging a hole in the backyard that happens to be six feet deep. Don't worry about it I've taken up gardening.

Tracy: No, you just [inaudible25:49] six feet. So I'm just gonna go take a nap excuse me. Oh, well we know the relationships have changed. Let's just acknowledge that and like we said, good, bad we don't know but we are acknowledging that we know that the relationships have changed. We want you guys to take a little bit of the time that we have. I mean, obviously we've spent a little bit more time in some personal growth. We both have done a lot of personal growth over this last year. Really two years, really clinging to our faith digging deeper spiritually, finding our walk with the Lord just more solid, which is obviously why we're here being extremely obedient and speaking. But it really comes down to; you have to start somewhere and growing. And the first step is acknowledging the loneliness, acknowledging the hardship maybe you didn't move. Maybe you're exactly where you were five years ago. And even before the pandemic, but we know change has a major effect on people and while we can speak of the goodness, that's come from it. There's a lot of people that can't.

Tori: Absolutely and like you said, it's the acknowledging that it's not the same. You woke up one day and life is completely different, you were not allowed to leave your house. All of a sudden your entire family was in a house together. And so when you acknowledge that had happened and we're not trying to sweep it under the rug. We can also say, you're not the same person because you, no matter what you had to adapt, whether you realized it or not, in some ways you had to adapt, you had to adapt with more of your family being home, you had to adapt with your kids, you've helped your kids adapt to things that they've changed

Tracy: Maybe you had to work more.

Tori: Maybe you had to work more, maybe you've had to change jobs, maybe you've had to add a jobs, maybe you had to take a job away, whatever you've adapted. And that mean that you are not who you used to be now here's the important part that we want people to realize that its okay. I think the hardest thing for me has been, as relationships have changed, not just with family, but with friendships, people's priorities have changed over the last two years and so friendships have changed. People who I would talk to more often on a daily basis, whatever the case may be, our priorities have changed and have taken us different directions and again, that's okay sometimes it hurts, Just because when you realize that you're not where you used to be, your relationship it's not the same.

It can sting a little bit. And I think that that's something that more of us are realizing. Now that-

Tracy: We also all I mean, I know for me like the number one thing that I've gained this year is peace. Like peace in my heart, peace in my home so much that I don't want my peace interrupted like, It's something that as a busy mom of four kids, a crazy house running my own business from home, [inaudible29:04 ] like it's crazy. But when I have that space and that piece, I used to fill it to just be social and to just be, not losing that connection. And I think I got prior to really that was what was happening in 2019. I wasn't getting my stuff done at home I would say, oh I really I'm gonna get to that.

I'm gonna get to that closet that really needs organized. Or I'm gonna get to that project that I wanna work on for work. I would get to that point, but I would never allow myself that time to do it well, now that I've done this growth and I have all this peace, like really in my home, which is like really such a gift to me, that I haven't had in can't even tell you how long it has given me that priority and that standard that I'm not gonna fill that back up, like that's important to me.

Tori: Well, what's funny is true that I must spoke earlier It's not that people's priorities have changed your faith and your family have always been number one. In your heart, in your mindset like that has always been your target. It’s not that all of a sudden, those are your number one priorities.

It's the fact that we prioritize them differently. And that is what people are not acknowledging is that we're prioritizing things differently and we are aligning ourselves more with our priorities I can work 60 hours a week I'm doing it for my family because my family is my number one priority. But when things have changed and now you're going, okay, well now I'm working 40 hours a week, but I'm still I'm doing things. But my family is my number one priority because they fill in the gaps more than that social time with the coworkers or whatever. I think that's what is making a difference and I want more people to experience that than just saying that, well our priorities are different. It's not necessarily; you're just becoming more aligned with what your priorities are-

Tracy: We had to have some of that stuff taken away from us I mean, that is one of the gifts outta 2020, like it was hard, but we had to have some of that stuff taken away for us to realize, wait, this feels really good and this is really nice. And not only do I wanna remember this, I want some of it to stay the same.

Tori: If you had asked me at the end of March, if I had ever wanted my husband to travel less and to be home more I would've been like, ooh let's not go that far. Now I can't imagine him being gone more and going back to his crazy work hours and things like that. And that's like incredible to me so as we wrap up today's episode one, we just want to first of all, just thank you guys there are so many of you that have supported us in this journey of getting this up and going and started.

So to be able to launch this, we are just so excited and just so incredibly thankful for the people that have helped us make it happen. So today we wanna leave you with a call to action, to inspire the unlikeliness in you. We want you to just take some personal time to acknowledge that you are no longer the 2019 version of you. You are a 2.0 of yourself, however that looks like to you is journaling? Do you wanna write on that for a while? Do you wanna meditate on that for a while? Do you wanna just simply repeat that to yourself while you're standing in front of the mirror? However that looks like to you, we just want you to acknowledge the elephant and say I'm not the 2019 version of me and that's okay.

Tracy: It could even be before that, like when we moved here I wasn't who I used to be and that's okay. [inaudible32:52] the one thing we just are hitting on is we want you to acknowledge that change is okay. There's beauty in that, like there's beauty from the ashes things are hard. We don't recognize it when we're in that hard season, but we want you to say I'm not who I used to be and that's okay. And own it and grow from it.

Tori: So thank you again for helping us start and launch this journey and see you next time.

Outro: Whether we made you laugh or cry today, we pray. You feel appreciated bolder and braver than yesterday, stronger and more faithful for tomorrow. But living in who you are made to be today, join our online community on Facebook. Find our link in the show notes, be sure to review and subscribe on apple podcasts or wherever you enjoy listening until next time housewives, we give you permission to walk confidently, freely, be intentional in your slippers or [inaudible33:47]


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