Unconventional Motherhood, Episode 14

0:03

Hey housewives. Come on in. You know, the dirty dishes are still in the sink and the laundry is still in the basket. Pop your air pods and make yourself at home here. I'm Tori. I'm Tracy, and we are your unlikely housewives stepping out in faith and believing that God calls me unlikely. We are here to show you the appreciation and validation you deserve lead you to authentic relationships and release you from believing the cultural lies to restore your faith and wellness. Pull up those high waisted yoga pants. Tighten your top knot and reheat your coffee for the third time today. Turn up the volume and let's go

0:54

hey, housewives Welcome back. We're happy to be back this week. Hey, housewives happy to be here and in a different location? Can you believe it? We've actually broken out of the closet for this episode. And now we're in the basement. Guest room it is. So we will just continue to move through all of your house. All of your rooms in your houses, houses at some point we're probably going to be Oh, good, Lord. I have houses y'all. I don't know if you know this. I'm real fancy like that multiple homes and different states and well, let's just go for it. speak it into existence. Yes, I like home. Beach House. beach house would be Yeah. Okay. My topic today is unconventional motherhood. We're going to talk about doing things differently in our homes and with work, then the norm. But before we do that, we've got a review. Okay, so this one is from for Joey, and says, loved these guys. There are no coincidences for the king's kids. It is exciting to see the Lord use to housewives to start up an adventure that he has planned for them. May you both always reflect His glory and share the Good News of the Gospel through this platform. Loved your honesty, humor and energy. And all the episodes that I've heard the call to action is very critical. One thing to listen and be entertained entirely different to also be able to take away an action plan for today, gain a helpful tool to use for the rest of my life. Congrats and well done. Cannot wait for more. Thank you so much for joy. So appreciate that. And if you would like your review, read on our next episode, please go to Apple podcasts and hit five stars, please. And write a review. And if you're not an apple podcaster please go to audible or Amazon music and you can actually leave a review there. We'll be reading those as well. That's for those Android users. I know the outcast. The unconventional. Yes, I think they do it just to be like a part like will not conform to the Apple Apple people. Yeah, I say that as you and I are using our iPad and an iMac to record this. Isn't that awful? Well, it is when it becomes the norm for us. That is what is easy. Exactly. I don't even remember how to use a PC nor knows. I don't know. So Windows. What's that? Exactly? Exactly. All right. Well, we are talking about unconventional and when we started this topic, we were thinking okay, work life balance for Mom, how things are so unconventional for us in terms of sitting in a closet doing a podcast, I mean, that's not normal. But it is something that has brought us so much joy and we're loving it. It's just different. There are a lot of those things that end in the same result. However, some people get stuck on the fact that well, that's different. That's not normal. Right? The normal is familiar, let's define unconventional. The definition of unconventional is someone or something that deviates from the norm or accepted standard. So our general example choosing to homeschool your child instead of sending him or her to public school, that's an unconventional schooling choice. I'm sure you're thinking of a million different unconventional choices right now to in your own life, things that are different well and we are here in doing a podcast because it's something that came out of a pandemic. So much has come out of the last two years that is no longer conventional. People working at home, traveling less doing things different. That is what has come out of these last few years. The unconventional is becoming more than normal, which is true because people are seeing that they can do life different and they can either have the same amount of joy, they can have less stress, they can be just as productive, if not more productive. Yes. And they're doing that without the cultural norms in place, because we all had to take away the cultural norms. Yeah, on that everyone has some kind of, you know, standard, what the perfect mother should be, you know, we're talking about unconventional motherhood, and to some degree, we all fall short and feel guilty that something somewhere isn't getting done. Right or on time. So let's talk a little bit about our own not shortcomings, but our own

5:39

unconventional wisdom. Okay, so, alright, I have to share with you these two things that I picked up first. Okay, I didn't share this one earlier when you're talking about this, but when the girls were little, who can tell that their kid is lying? No. Yeah, right. percent 110%. And they think they're so good. They do think they're so good. Well, when the girls were little, I used to tell them and or was not necessarily a big fan about this. But I used to tell them like, I know you're lying. What do you mean, I know you have a red.in your forehead. So they thought it lasted maybe a couple of months? Because then they started looking in the mirror? Well, I told him that only mothers could see it. Oh, and I said no only mommies and daddies can see the red dot. But that's how I know that you're lying is because you have a red dot before. And they literally would stick their hand in front of their forehead and be like, I don't know, you're talking about? Like, No, I know you're lying. Because your hands on your forehead. Exactly. Exactly. So there was that unconventional thing like trying to get them to be like, come clean, like, and, and we're at the stage now to him, like, look, you're going to get a far less punishment if you tell me that you're lying. Versus if I find out for a fact that you're lying, then you're going to get in trouble for two things for not doing what you were supposed to be doing. But then the second thing for lying and not coming claiming to me. Well, now you need to tell the other story that we already talked about. A and one day have to share your red dots. Mom secrets Okay, here we go Moms. My girls are seven and eight. But I started this probably about two years ago or so when they started to ask questions about the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy Santa. And the question always has been well, who's Santa? Have you ever met Santa? And I was like, Well, I have this information. How do you have this information? Well, you get a mom manual. When you become a mother. What? You get a mom manual? And it has, it has like it's like a directory and it has Santas contact information, the Easter Bunny, his contact information to various contacts. I mean, and it has everybody's contact information. Can we see your manual? Oh, no, no, no, no, if I show you my mom manual, then they won't let you have a manual. When you become a mom. They believe that there is a mom manual. And they're like, Well, what else is in this? Mommy? Yeah, that's what I want to know what else is in? All the things, all the things about mother and they're like, Mom, how did you find that and be like, send the mom manual. Like, nothing's lost. You've heard the saying nothing's lost until mom can't find it. Yeah. And I'm like, that's very much a real skill that they teach you in the mom manual. That is amazing. And so there you go friends. Yeah, use the mom manual. And I kid you not when when they become mothers, I will do this because I am going to stick to my this is my story. And I'm sticking to it. And for the rest of their lives is I literally am going to create a binder of a book of some kind of journal entries and all kinds of stuff like that, and create and create a mom manual for them. But I use that as like, well. There's the standard. There's the conventional way your mom manual because they're right there things as moms that we all have to address on right, like you know, and how to change a diaper. Is that in the manual? No. That one they can take a parenting course for like, How about after the Tooth Fairy comes in visits? Where did the teeth go? Oh, that's in the mom manual. Mm hmm. I'm sure we all have you can message you, sir. Yes. And you can message me if you would like to know where that where the takeover by children as in you need that answer for your mommy. But I want to know. Let's talk about it off here. Okay. All right. Which is funny, because the joke when you become a new parent like is, where's the real manual? Like, there is not a parenting book in the world that covers all the things that you need for parenting. And so where do we go right now in our day and age is the internet Google Social Media. All the places? Yeah, so all that all that to say some of our ways of feeling connected and light hearted about motherhood is mom memes. Oh, y'all have seen these right? Like I have literally favorited some of mine and just saved them just so I can laugh at them later. They still come up in time. hot for me, so I Oh, so my one that I always use is I do not have ducks. I do not have a row. I have squirrels in there at a rave. Okay, I have one that was I was normal two kids ago. No. Yes, that's good. I've told my children that one so often they put it on a hat for me at our class. Do you wear it? It's a little crafty. Okay. All right. No, I few of those. Um, I always say this is my circus. And these are my monkeys. Ah, ha ha, yeah. Yeah. No need to deny it. No. And it is it's okay.

10:36

I embrace it. I love it. And okay, and here's one that I shared with you today that you kind of were like, Wait, hold on, what is God already factored in your stupidity when he may do a parent? Okay, let's sit on that verse. Let's let those listeners think that in hear it again. Okay. God already factored in your stupidity when he made you a parent. Alright, so my initial response was really like, can we use God and stupidity, like in the same sentence is what we're doing here. But then she further explained, and it made so much more sense. So God already factored in my stupid decisions. He's factored in my sin. He's factored in my shortcomings. He's factored in all of that. Okay. When he made me he and jays, mom, now that makes more sense. And that was and it makes me feel better. Yeah, God gave us our children blessed us with no matter how they came into this world, and you became a parent, God chose them for you. And there's so many times where we wrestle with like, Am I good? Mom? Am I doing enough? All the things? Well, guess what? God gave them to you knowing all those things already. So that while it was a kind of a harsher meme, funny statement, it actually has a whole level of meaning is true. And it humbles you. Yes, that one really humbles you because you're like, Wait, hold on my, my stupidity. But it is, I mean, we think about that, like the poor choices that we make. And like we've all said, Have I seriously screwed up my children for life? This is something so much so that Andrew and I have discussed is that we've put in putting money aside for the girls since they were born. And it is we will pay for one degree, one wedding and all the therapy that that for the last couple years, we might be exchanging the college fund for the therapy, eggs, which is fine, alone, I don't care. You might want more therapy, but like that's like we joke we yeah, we are very light hearted about all this. But when it comes to conventional versus unconventional parenting, motherhood work, like those kinds of topics. There are some things that fall by the wayside. They don't meet your personal expectations. And you feel guilty about them as a mom, like, what is something that you do that you're an unconventional mom, I let my girls do a lot for themselves. Yeah. I have literally started to tell my children when they're like, Mom, can I have some water? Sure you can. And then they just look at me. And I go, No, no, you know where the water is. Go to the but it's not like Andrew and I really mentally decided that like, Y'all are at the independent age of we are not your servants. Yes. Right. And something I grew up doing. And I'm a much better person because of it is that when I wanted like to go to the movies with my friends, okay, backup kids. This was when you had to find the movie times in a newspaper. Okay, do you remember this? Or call one? 800 movie phone? Okay, remember that. But I had to find my parents. And I said, Can I go to see a movie with my friends? And my parents were like, yeah, absolutely. You find the movie time you find what year it is. You get all the information, you get it all set up, and I will drive you there. Versus I didn't mean I mean, nowadays, I mean, there's a lot of parents that make the plans for their kids. And okay, well, I'll buy the tickets online, and dah dah dah, dah, dah and do that. Yeah, I think it depends. Even at this point. Now, like with teenagers, I mean, they do it all themselves, too. And they plan it and then all of a sudden, they say I bought tickets to this movie. Can you drive me there? And you're like, hold on. Yeah, you forgot to plan with me. Right? You didn't check with me first. This just popped into my head though. But talking about unconventional. Let's talk about how movies have changed. We just two nights ago sat on our couch and bought a movie that's in the theater. Yes, it was $25 to buy a movie to watch on my couch, but edit and go to the movie and pay for all of our tickets. I did not buy concessions. It was so much cheaper just to sit at home and watch a movie and I bet you could pause it when you all had to pee. Yeah, exactly. All the potty breaks the refills thing. I mean, that's so different now than what it used to be. Right. And that's what like, the embracing of those little things. And I think that that's, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. You know, it's nice to still experience like your husband still took the teenagers to go to a different movie to a different movie to the actual experience of a theater. You know, you want to do that sometimes, but no sitting on your couch in your PJs and getting

15:26

out after a very cold snow day of playing in the snow. You just want to stay home and snuggle up. Okay, well, another thing that we wanted to touch on is unconventional, like eating habits, meals. This is something that we both are extremely unconventional with, and we do a lot of takeout for our families. Or we let our husbands cook. Well, no, you do. I guess mine does. We're desperate, not the bay. But one of the things that when we're talking about it is remember how breakfast used to only be breakfast meals and dinner only used to be dinner meals. Well, I was referencing unconventional motherhood on and read a blog post and this mom was like, Yes, I feed my kids hot dogs for breakfast and chicken patties. Because the goal is to send my kid to school with a full belly. Not that it had eggs or sausage or whatever. So let's think about that. As some people are like, gross. You actually fed your kid Hotdogs for breakfast. I did not this was their story. However, does it make a difference? No. Honestly, no. I mean, and to I know your family is a big proponent of breakfast for dinner. Brynner. Yeah, and that one's a fun one. I literally could have a bowl of cereal at any like, anytime during a 24 hour period. Yeah, it their cereal. There is no time limit on cereal. But that's an unconventional thing. Versus but again, like the woman makes a good point. Point is you feed your kid food, who cares what it is? Yeah, that they're not going to be starving until lunch. They're eating something and you're getting some type of nutrition. Hey, honestly, that's probably a hotdog or a chicken patties at probably a heck of a lot better than a sugar cereal. Yeah, with you know, tons of syrup. So the one other quote that we found, which was really funny, too, and we could totally relate to was the majority of my diet is made up of foods. My kids didn't finish and that is from Carrie Underwood. And you can say that for Andrew and or his daddy disposal. Yeah, or whatever leftovers are in that is literally he had Kraft mac and cheese last night for dinner because that was left in the fridge and that he always can eat it. I remember that was one of the things when my kids were babies or toddlers. And I was you know, on my healthy journey of trying to you know, watch the pounds and all of that I literally It killed me, but I would throw the crust away. I would throw the rest of the stuff on the plate away versus finishing it myself. Yeah, that was something I didn't need. Okay, so a couple more mom sayings that we liked was this one's for all the mean girl fans out there is that I'm not a normal mom. I'm a cool mom. I somewhat use that. But this morning, my kids were really grouchy. We just had two snow days. And my kids were really grouchy this morning. And I said do not forget what I did for you these last two days. I went sledding with you. We had such a great time. We watched the movie. You had sleepovers. I bought them can you know I went through all that. And I'm like, I was like I did good things for you. So if I don't tonight when I sit on the couch, it's okay. I'm still good mom. So cool. Mom. I like validate it with my own children. Yeah, we have to though, because they have no idea how good they have it clear on our children. They really don't. We know. Okay, there's that show that's Wife Swap like Okay, so where basically the life? She changes families? Yes. Right. And then like, they come back, and they're like, oh my gosh, like, we're so thankful that like when we had kids swap like, or mom swap the mob swap thing. But I mean, like, our kids would not have a freaking, you know, idea of what to do. And because they always tell them like, oh, I want to go live with so and so's parents. Yes, they're amazing. And you're like, you have your children came over to my house, they would have to fold laundry, but I would make them water. So if my children came over to your house, and they asked for a glass of water, they'd be like, wait, what? I got to get it myself. Yeah. Pause yourself and get your butt up. Get some water. I'm kidding. No, no, that'd be basically it. So we say all this lightly. In we do like to joke about it. But let's reference work life and being unconventional. You and I are currently sitting in your guest bedroom. And this is not a conventional job. Right? This is not a nine to five. Well right now, it's awesome. Not a paying job. We will get there. So how many jobs are y'all doing for free? I just like to ask that or actually, it depends. But this is very much properly. This is got Wait, yeah, that's good. Okay, we're keeping this. But in the last two years, especially, people have found that there was a conventional job sitting in a cubicle from nine to five or eight to five, whatever that was. That was what work looked like to them. I mean, there's literally movies on like, office space of what the typical corporate world you see my stapler, um, what what that looks like, that's conventional. And some much has changed in the last few years, because it has brought so many people home and working remotely. And they can be just as much if not more in their time, but also to what I find interesting is the younger generations. The last thing they want to do is sit in a cubicle. Yeah,

21:01

they want a job where they can go hiking, they can work out, I mean, look at Google, look at all the places that have the fitness centers, and they bars they like in their building, like all these new tech jobs, and all the things that are changing our I mean, there's so much freedom in that, right. And really, I mean, we were talking about it with somebody today, if you're getting your job done meeting the exact same quota, and potentially even doing more than what is the problem with working at home? Like, what is the difference and people who are having to change jobs now or lost their job because of the pandemic? Now they're looking at stuff going, Wait, this is working from home as an option? Yeah, let's do that. But moms moms have been working from home for yours. Oh, yeah. Or not, like not technically working at all. You know, they would I mean, let's look back at the old Jun cleavers, you know, all you did was stay home, cook, clean. Take care of kids house in Edge. Yeah, you weren't housewife. And that was enough. And that was okay. Friends, it's still enough. And it's still okay. Okay. Yeah. Amen. Yeah, amen. We are just different. It's just our personalities. And it's who we are. And we are here to encourage you and where you are, is where you're supposed to be. And if you feel that tug, or you feel like you want to be doing more, we're obviously doing this to encourage that movement. However, nine to five jobs, again, aren't a standard, stay at home moms, not maybe, like a standard like they're some but now work at home moms are becoming a little bit more, like you're doing both. And that is good, too. So you have to find and be happy with where you are. Right? And the other thing that is unconventional for you and I is our health and wellness business, that is a direct sales business. And there are people that literally cannot say direct sales, network marketing or MLM, without Venom coming off of their tongue in the same sentence. Yeah, it's because they had a bad experience really worked with someone that it didn't go well. I mean, everybody has their own opinions about it. But you know, when I started in it seven years ago, it was something that I didn't want to do either. And it was because I put it in a box that didn't fit my needs, my family's needs, what I was gonna do. I was uneducated on it. I didn't know like the blessings that would unfold from stepping into that industry, you know, right. And that industry has changed a ton greatly. It is no longer your grandmother's makeup. It is no longer the Tupperware lady it is no longer the home parties and simply just pedaling on friends and family. like way, way back when when women worked outside of the house that was unconventional, right? Like, yeah, it was stepping out of the norm. Now, it's almost completely flipped more, it's 5050 where now it's almost unheard of that a woman doesn't have some kind of hustle at home while she's at home with the kids or you know, that kind of thing. When we say Oh, I'm just a stay at home mom, like that's literally a thing that people are like, that just feels bad. But it should not cry feel bad. Like I did that for so many years. And that was just my sole ministry. It was the season that I was in, and I loved it. But I wanted more. And there's nothing wrong with that either. Exactly. Things have flipped, right? And so now in an era where people spend, don't look at your screen time on your phone, this will really make you vomit vomit on how much time you spend on social media. But network marketing has become I mean, that was influencers before we had social media influencers right. And so there's a complete flip on that. So what is his normal 10 years ago, or 10 years from now may not be normal or conventional now, yeah. And so we have to remember that when we judge up like what we are doing in our lives, like the decisions the season that you're in now may feel unconventional, but 10 years from now, there'll be more of the people and who cares? Right, just because the majority is doing it doesn't make it right. Yeah. And it doesn't it doesn't make it the normal. I mean, you can do what you want to do. Period. End of story. Yeah. Right. Well, I was gonna say, just because people there lots of people doing it does not validate it, either. Yeah.

25:42

And if you are having any, I don't know, confusion, thoughts, guilt, shame around any of it. We encourage you to go back and listen to episode nine, that you are actually a good mom, because we talk a lot in there about how you have the mixed feelings of is it okay to just be a stay at home? Mom, should I be doing more and all the mom shaming guilt and things that come from all of it? Absolutely. Well, I have to say, because I'm the mom. That raises my voice a little bit. And this one, Reese Witherspoon said, and I love her. And I've also been told that I sometimes look like her. But anyway, I always say if you're a bride. She says I always say if you aren't yelling at your kids, you're not spending enough time with them. And I agree. Thank you, Reese. Okay, this one I don't know who Nora Ephron is. But this I I'm not at the teenager stage yet with my girls. But it does say when your children are teenagers is important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. And it is so true. So it really is. Okay, so this episode is very much like this last mom, quote, my life is like an internet browser. I have so many tabs open, and I have no idea where the music is coming from. How many of us have seen that heard that? Feel that? Yes, feel it. And we feel it every single day. Yeah, there will be some days that you are like, I got it all done. And then there'll be days you're like, I don't know, if I cross anything off on my to do list, I just simply put out fires in every part of my life. To encourage you, we do want to say that there is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one. And that does go back to our episode nine, you actually are good mom. But the other thing we do want to encourage you with overall is we talked about, we talked about my mom manual that I will be getting copies to, for my children. If you don't know there is a life manual that does exist. Most people like to pick it out topic by topic, or kind of search it for certain like things. But if you're not reading it as a whole story, it doesn't make sense. And that book is the Bible. Even if you're not a believer, I encourage you to read the Bible. Because then you can know what you feel like you don't believe, because there are too many things that are listed from the Bible, or believe that or from the Bible when those are actually not words in the Bible at all. Yeah, personal interpretations, right. So if you're not a believer, and you're like, I'm not going to do the message is a great copy to read. Because it's very story like very easy language. And it's just, it's a very great way to introduce yourself to it to something that you're like, Okay, does the Bible really say that that's a great way to look at it. But with that being said about the Bible, being a life manual, a parenting manual, the other thing to remember about the Bible, is its story about a very, the most Dare I say the most unconventional man, and that is Jesus. Let's look at it as His birth was from a virgin. He had the perfect life never said once imagined being his right.

29:13

Why can't you be more like Jesus. And then he allowed his life to be taken for the rest of us. He had people standing at the foot of the cross spitting at him, saying slurs at him, and he still died for every single one of them. And he knew that for the rest of the time on Earth, that people would mock Him, make fun of him and say that his ministry and life is not what it was. And yet he still died, not just for those that believed in him and those that follow him, but those that haven't, and didn't or don't yet, and so he Well, there were religious leaders that were dressed in fancy carbs, and there were Pharisees and those all those people came to him. And we're judging him for walking around with tax collectors. Like that is the most unconventional thing that he possibly could have done talking to a woman and a well, even his own disciples said, Jesus, what are you doing? She's been married five times. You don't you don't talk to her that is not setting a very good example. And yet he did it anyways. I mean, he gave women a place in the world when when they didn't have a say, I mean, Jesus in the Bible, and God have given women more power than any government, or society ever has. And that was over 2000 years ago. So that life is truly the unconventional at its finest. So embrace the unconventional embrace the weird. Yeah, let go of what you thought was normal. Let go, that you think there's some kind of standard that you're not meeting, embrace the weird, embrace the hard and let go of the stigma. That's a good one, that you're not a perfect mom. Because we are we're perfect in his image. And you did an incredible job wrapping that up and tying a bow on that one. I think you I think that was my I had to, because of all the jokes I made. Guys, God just use that because I'm gonna make you sound smart. This is the thing. This is who we are. This is the real, this is the raw. This is the funny, the humorous, and the absolutely heartfelt women who love Jesus and want you all to know him and feel the joy that comes from him in the peace in your home. And that's just what we're using our voices for. Absolutely. Thank you so much for tuning in this week. Housewives. We are excited that you are here. Our call to action is this week. Find out where you are an unconventional mum and embrace it. Have fun with it. Enjoy it. Look at yourself as okay if it's not the norm. I don't care if you feed your kid hot dogs for breakfast. Tell us tell us on Instagram Find us on our social media platform and share with us how you are an unconventional mom. Yes and don't forget to follow us on Instagram at unlikely housewives of JOCO join our Facebook community which is the unlikely housewives podcast community and also we want to ask you very nicely to if you this episode, or any of our episodes you have found beneficial value we would love for you to write a review. But most importantly, share this episode with a friend who you think could use a laugh I'm just gonna say a laugh because I'm not gonna promise anything else

33:03

I think that's good. I'm setting the our standards low. Okay. We thank you housewives and we will see you next week.

33:10

Bye housewives. And while this I mean episode unconventional, like seemed like an absolute

33:19

what is the word? Um, most of the time I can read your mind. I know I can't not not a parody. I can't think of what it is like using all of the like, memes stories.

33:30

Yeah, Craig, you're gonna take that out. I don't know how to finish this. You tell that we love our editor Chris. Shout out Craig.

33:39

Whether we made you laugh or cry today, we pray you feel appreciated bolder and braver than yesterday. stronger and more faithful for tomorrow, but living in who you were made to be today. Join our online community on Facebook. Find our link in the show notes. Be sure to review and subscribe on Apple podcasts or wherever you enjoy listening. Until next time, housewives. We give you permission to walk confidently freely be intentional in your slippers or so let us

Transcribed by https://otter.ai