Unhealthy Head Trash, Episode 8

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Hey housewives. Come on in. You know, the dirty dishes are still in the sink and the laundry is still in the basket. Pop your air pods and make yourself at home here. I'm Tori. I'm Tracy. And we are You're unlikely housewives stepping out in faith and believing that God calls me unlikely. We are here to show you the appreciation and validation you deserve, lead you to authentic relationships and release you from believing the cultural lies to restore your faith and wellness. Pull up those high waisted yoga pants, tighten your top knot and reheat your coffee for the third time today. Turn up the volume. And let's go.

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Hey, housewives. Hey, friends, we are so excited. It is 2022 We are in the middle of it now. And this is good, right? We are doing all the things to start a new year fresh and just feeling like this year's going to be different. Right? Exactly. Or not at all. Either way, we're gonna have fun doing it. That's true. That's true. It's all about the way you look at it and what you're willing to accept right? Perspective. Exactly. So we've had to change things up just a little bit. We're actually recording separately. This is the first time a little weird for us just seeing each other's faces and not being next to each other. You know, so bear with us, it's still gonna be great. We just don't have that like energy. And you know, that feeling of being so tightly squeezed in a closet together. That's true. That's true. I'm a little bit colder with you not next to me. They know, the bottom line might really help. My closet is a lot warmer than yours. So it's true. That is true. So today, we're talking about the unhealthy headspace. Now, before you think about like, Wait, did we just talk about this on detox download, we're going to go a little bit more into depth about the mental side of the detoxing, but we are going to give you a great word to remember everything by toxic. But before we go into that, let us read our weekly review. Yeah, so we love to highlight and be little, the review is real and relatable. She says love listening to these two ladies share their hearts and do what God has called them to do honest, transparent and inspiring as they shared what so many others are already thinking but afraid to admit or talk about in public looking forward to many more episodes. So thank you and B little for sharing your review with us. And again, if you want to be highlighted on one of our episodes, drop us a review on Apple. Yes. Thank you so much. All right. Let's talk all right, classic. Exactly. It makes me think of the Britney Spears song. Anyway, anybody else 90s kids that toxic? You're gonna have that song playing in the back of your head all day. All right. So let's break it down. The first letter is t. And t is for talk. self talk. That is Yes. Yep. negative self talk. I mean, we would love for it to be all positive. But we are to women who understand that is not always the case. We tell ourselves stories, sadly, exactly. Well, when we look in the mirror, there's absolutely a story there. And we tell ourselves things over and over and over again. And it doesn't mean that it's necessarily true. But we accept it as truth. Yeah, that problem that I probably would say I struggle with most is the comparison, the stories I tell what other people are thinking of me or saying about me, which again, that's my own self talk. But it's I'm making up a story of what someone is thinking about me? Well, you can't read their mind. So it's like, just because they didn't wave to you as you were driving by I immediately think, oh my god, she's mad at me. What did I do? And then I start processing going going backwards and like Okay, wait, did my kids say something? Did I say something? I'm scrolling our text message and going, Wait, hold on. Why didn't they invite me to this? And it is it's a story we tell ourselves and they could just because she didn't see me or God didn't text back. So I have I have a couple of friends who are not as text quick to respond to me as I am to them. Now. I tell myself a story that okay, they're mad at me. Something's wrong. And I've been so brave enough to text him and no laugh if they're listening to this episode and be like, Okay, it's been a couple days. Could you please text me back? I'm starting to get a complex and starting to think that something's really wrong because you haven't responded to my text. I know people. I mean, you've seen the memes of people going, Oh, I responded to you in my head. Well, those of us that didn't get the response and our head we're going, you are mad at me. You don't like me? Or there's something else that's wrong. Oh, yeah. Or when you see the three little dots after you send the text message, and then nothing comes through, and you're like, wait, are they right? That one messes with your head too. So we're talking about being aware, being more aware of what your the story you're telling yourself, the self talk that you're talking about. So now, as we move on, we're going to, oh, we're talking about occupation? How do you mentally prepare for work? What is your mindset towards your job,

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I really want to just say that when we get to this point of we're talking about the unhealthy headspace or taking out the trash the goal with this, and the goal with self talk. And then now we're on to occupation. The goal with this is to help you move into this year, feeling more fresh, positive and encouraged about each of these, like, we know that the mental space being off is really where the imbalance comes from, for reaching our goals and striving for things. So when we're talking about the occupation, it is how are we viewing it? How are we looking at it? How are we feeling about it? And at what pace? Are we working with it? Are we hustling? are we stepping into too much and the hustle mentality hustle has been a huge thing. Because that is like if you're not hustling, then you're not working, right. But I feel like it's number one reason why people are burned out is because it's go Goo Goo Goo Goo go. Or they're pushing, being married to a salesman, essentially, everything is pushed towards the end of the month. So I know at the end of the month, those couple of days is crazy. Because all of his people are hustling, right? You want to get it in before the end of the month and all the things. But if we step back and go, Wait, this is not hustling. I don't have to hustle to get what I want. Exactly. Because then the first week of the month, they're exhausted. I know for my sales business, I'm exhausted. If I'm pushing towards a month then and then I feel like okay, well I can make take the next couple of days off. And then before I know it, it's the fifth of the month, and then I'm right back into the hustle. Yeah, and I think that there's a season for the hustle, you know, but if you're on social media, and you're following people who are in sales or in an industry that causes end of month pushing, and sales, and all of that the message is that you must only hustle, you must always show up, you must always be present, you must always always always pace that everybody wants you to be as high, like always on the high, you know, and while there's like I said a season for that. It's so unhealthy. Mentally, that is where you get drained. You know, you've heard I've been burning the candle on both ends, you know, you hear that all the time. Well, that's not healthy for anybody's body couldn't do their health, mental space and time with family, with your spouse, like it takes away. Absolutely. And our spouses are typically away from the family. So much so that they're with their co workers more. I mean, in the awake hours, if you think about it, if somebody is working 50 6070 hours a week, which is totally possible, their coworkers are seeing the more when people are living to work, when people really should be working to live, you work. So you can get a paycheck so you can provide for your family and do things with your family. And I would go back to so when we lived in Texas, Dallas is a much different mindset when it comes to work. And the mentality everything in Dallas is fast paced, absolutely everything in it moves fast and moves fast. And then sales especially. Because if you can't get this product to me in the next 24 hours, there's the guy next to you that can't get it to me and he can probably do it cheaper. So that's where Andrew and I were coming from. And so when we move to Kansas, that was one of the hardest things for him, because people were not ready for that. That was not the Midwest mindset. People are like, Okay, well, it's five o'clock. So I'm gonna go hang out with my family. And you know, and we'll talk about this tomorrow. And Andrew was like, what? Wait, so we talked about it. And I was like, That was a hard shift for him to probably a healthy one, but totally healthy. I mean, it Kansas has been the best thing for our family. And I'm so thankful God put us here, because it is made a total shift for us to focus on our family, rather than the other stuff. So

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yeah, well in with your occupation. We're talking the hustling part being one of the negative mental spaces that we really struggle with but also not being happy. There's a lot of people that aren't happy with their job. There's a lot of people that you know, I know in the season that I'm in I know a lot of stay at home moms that actually kids are in school, they have that time now and they want to do something, but they don't know what to do. And I know for, you know, you and I, we obviously if on this podcast, we found some other passions that we're doing in, it takes a lot of courage. And it takes a lot of that really getting your mental state right to want to step into something new. Because it is risky, there is a lot of anxiety, there is a lot of things that come with it in that new fresh line of work. But if you're aligned with God, and you're stepping into your purpose, then you're going to know that he's with you. He's got you, and he's gonna do this. And so with this occupation struggle of this, are we hustling too much? Or are we unhappy? Are we just not aligned with our purpose? We want to encourage you to just ask yourself the questions. Is there some trash and one of those areas we need to clear out? How was our headspace? And are we where we want to be? Or where God wants us to be? Well said, Alright, how about we talk about the X? X? Getting an X? Exactly? Who do you need to x to exit out of your life? So this is more about like, what relationships are the ones that when they call, you're like, oh, I don't want to do this. Or after you're with them in person, you feel drained, you're exhausted, you're like, I this is just not, you can tell you're you're hesitant to have that. Now, sometimes it's a family member. And you can't ask a family member like Alright, peace, you don't give me me. So you're out? No, but you can be intentional about the boundaries that you set. And when you have that knowing, and going into that situation going, this is a temporary situation, and I'm just gonna handle this while I'm here with them. But I'm leaving this all at the door. And I'm going to walk away from this without all of that trash with me. And I think there's seasons of our lives. And I say this all the time, you know, seasons, but there are there are people that come into your life for a certain season to help you in new motherhood, or, you know, in preschool, or, obviously, as a team like there are, as you're walking through different things, there will be people that come into your life for that season, as you move on. Sometimes they don't stay with you, but you have that like guilt feeling or something or that you're worried about why do I feel this all the time? Why is this lingering with me about this person, when you just need to say, thank you, God for that person at that time? Now I'm moving on, like, they're just not for you right now. That's a really good, because I know that women feel that like that best friend. There's lots of women that have like 20 best friends, right? But when if we were to look at it, some of those people are just for our, like you said a season and then you get to the negative self talk and go Why are they calling me anymore? bubble up. But you're right, that actually that was really good. Because I have that where I want I think, yeah, because we move there are people that you're like, Wait, I don't hear from you anymore. And we were together every single day. And then I got into that self talk of like, well, maybe it wasn't important enough to them when I lived there. Maybe I wasn't, you know, maybe that relationship didn't mean enough. Well, guys, like we had to move on and make new friends for where we are. And some of those relationships had to go, the ones that last are the ones that check in on you. And vice versa. Like having four kids, this is a level of you know, I have many relationships that come and go often. And that is because I have four kids, two boys, two girls, you know, you have those like gender relationships, you know, I know more of the boy moms and boy class, I know more the girl moms and the girl class. But it doesn't mean that I can't be friends with the boy moms in my daughter's class. It just takes more time. You know, so as you're working on relationships, and you're finding the ones that align with you, and your children and your marriage, because let's be honest, there are some friendships that maybe the spouses don't get along, or they don't connect or see eye to eye that makes those relationships harder, right? And it doesn't mean that these people are necessarily toxic. Like, I just want to redefine that. Like the ex is really just like, who has the mental space, that you're allowing to stay there but doesn't need to be there because they bring you guilt or they're shaming, or there's some anxiety or stress or the friends that you try to connect with and you're like, hey, let's get together and then they're constantly canceling plans. Like that happens a lot. It commitment

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that you and I were talking about that earlier about? I feel like it's really been in the last 10 years. It used to be when we said a group of us we're going to get together. Okay, here's a girls night. This is where we're going. This is what we're doing. It would be those people who said because I think that was just the mentality that you said you were going to do something you do it. But now I feel like there's more People are more lenient to let it go like, Oh, it's 30 minutes before the event, but I'll just text her and tell her I'm not coming. I want to teach my girls that when you say you're going to do something, or go to something, you're going to go. It's like, we have the commitment with sports. Our girls are in gymnastics, we've talked to one of them. And I said, if you don't want to do gymnastics anymore, that's fine. You're going to finish the season. Because that's your commitment. And you have a team that's relying on you and you are going to do this, then afterwards, then we don't have to do it anymore. But just that I'm not going to pull her just because she decides, no, I don't want to do this anymore. Well, no, you're going to follow through with your commitment. So I feel that's a really good point. The next one is the big one. I for inner belief, what are you believing about yourself? Now, this is a little bit different than the negative self talk the stories that you're telling yourself? This is more about? Do you know who you are your identity in Christ? So do you really fully accept that you are loved, that you are chosen, that you are a child of that one true King? Like that really needs to be a solid inner belief for you? Yeah, and that you have a purpose, where you are right now, in what you're doing. And when this topic came about? I mean, we know we both struggle with just this toxic environment where people like what we're dealing with, with our work our self doubt, all this comes in, in the inner belief. Like, I feel like this AI is really the center of it all. Like, do we feel like we're enough for where we are? You know, do we feel like overthinking is one of my greatest weaknesses, and I overthink? Should I be doing this? Is this like, is this aligned with something that God would want me to be doing? You know, when we started this podcast, I mean, we joked that you were ready to do it within like, you know, you're like, let's buy a microphone and start talking. And I'm like, No, I gotta think about this. I got to pray about this. I mean, I overthought to a point of going, Yes, God, I will be obedient. I'm doing this right. But then on the extension of that, when you tend to overthink, like some people do, especially in our society, you talk yourself out of things. You overthink so much, you're like, Yeah, I thought about this too much must not be it, I'm out. Or it's the fact that when you're thinking you're caring more about what others think of you, then why you have been called to do layout. This podcast is an example of, yes, there is absolutely a feeling after we submit, and it goes live of oh my gosh, what did I say? Who am I going to upset anybody? Am I going to offend anybody? And that is a huge thing that why I absolutely, we'll probably more than once stick my foot in my mouth. Let's be absolutely clear about that. In the larger scheme of things, I know that this is where God wants me. And I pray about what I'm going to speak and what I'm going to say. And Lord willing, that's what

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comes out of my mouth. Yes. Well, and as a people pleaser, you know, you're talking about we worry about what people think like I'm in any agreeing to I am a people pleaser. And I will say, I am a recovering people pleaser because I'm not attached to it anymore. Like, I'm not in this space of I can't do something because I'm afraid of what people are gonna think of me. Like, I'm still thinking about it. I always well, it's how God made me and I think that that is like the softer side of me as I'm always thinking about other people when I do things when I say things to the point that it's a gift, but it's also my greatest struggle because so I have to find that balance. And really, that's what we want for you guys in this where it is your inner belief. Why is it solid of okay, I am a daughter of the king I have a purpose here. I can help me be everything my children need me to be everything my spouse needs me to be like, Do you believe those things? And if that's not what you believe, and those are the things that you're not telling yourself when we give you a call to action to the end of this call? That's the letter you start with? Yes, the inner belief is the center of all of this. Absolutely. Last one, see big see the pixie for so many things, I know that speak it so fast. Okay, this consumption, what are we consuming? What are you consuming mentally and visually? Okay, so this is what are you reading? What are you looking at? What are you Media is one of them, obviously, are you listening to things that are encouraging you are things that are making you fearful or that are stressing you out that are making you anxious like that? That is not a good feeling. Also, are you watching reading something that is not good for your spirit. I want to tell just a short story here because it's kind of funny, but it's also one that like, I think moms can relate to. I don't know if anyone grew up watching soap operas, but I did. I loved them. You know, every now and then I like to turn it on. Because I can catch up in my shower was 15 years ago, in one show, but I did grew up watching him. And when I was in college, I would actually work my schedule around being able to be in my room at 11am Central time so that I could catch As the World Turns maybe the guiding light there were some other Bolden the beautiful maybe I think was in there. I mean, guys, I loved my soap operas. Young in the restless. Sorry, I just had what I meant to say to young, Okay, guess was one of my favorites. Okay, I'm grieving that a little bit, but it's healthy. Um, I really am serious about it. So I watched it so much a bit. My DVR was set in those beginning early years of being married and having babies. I would sit and watch them, I would catch up on them. I'd watch them for a couple hours. And then before you knew it, I'm going Why isn't my husband like that? Why is that? Why is my life not like that? I mean, we got the fighting part down, but that like passion and intimacy, and like that hot sex and all that I'm like, yeah, that's all my marriage looks like. I mean, it's good. Nah, but it didn't look like that. So I realized that my consumption of watching this Oh, poppers was actually like, changing my mental view and my expectations. So I had to cut that. And then once I cut it, I cut that tie, cut those strings. I haven't watched it. Since now, that's just a soap opera. But that's also the same level as pornography. And we have to talk about that, because there are forms of porn, everywhere that both men and women consume. And it creates expectations. And it creates temptations that actually don't feel our spirit and fill our hearts with how we should be living.

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And you're right on that it changes, it literally changes your brain, it is proven that in your consuming things like porn, it is changing your brain to where you're getting a shot of dopamine, right? And then the more you do it, it becomes harder and harder to get dopamine from real life, things that are not aligning with what you're seeing on the video or in the magazine centerfold that like your like you said, your expectations of real life become skewed. And I think one of the greatest porns for women that is rampant are romance novels, and rom coms. Because how often do you watch a rom com? And then go, Gosh, my husband doesn't do that. My spouse doesn't do that. Like, you know, that would have been so nice if he had proposed that way. And it's the expectations. Now, I'm not saying that those can't be enjoyed in a certain space, you can absolutely enjoy a rom com, go to the movies and watch that. But if that is what you're creating your expectations of what a relationship and marriage is supposed to look like what love is supposed to look like, you're never going to be fulfilled ever. Because no one can meet those expectations. I think exactly. Do you remember the season where everybody was reading? 50 Shades of Grey? Oh, yeah, that that was a huge thing for women. In a season. I think women wanted to watch it or read it because everyone else was talking about it. You felt left out if you didn't, I never did. But I will say it's that I mean, take it to the next level of social media, you know, when something is shared of like, oh, this is really good. You're like, oh, I want to check it out, too. You know, like, there are certain shows that go viral on Netflix or wherever. Because someone said, go watch it. Right? So whether or not it has that same dopamine, like attachment to it as porn or 50 Shades of Grey or all of those, like, that's how stuff gets spread is that media and you attach yourself to some of those things because you're like, Oh, this is something I'm missing in my life. Or this is some feeling that I'm not getting in my real life. So I'm gonna watch this so that I can feel that and those are the areas where, okay, we have to balance our consumption. are we filling it with, you know, worship music? are we filling it with our time with the Lord? are we filling it with people who fill our spirits with good things? Well, I want to throw in one other thing because my friends know me. I am a true crime junkie. Yep. Okay. I listened to all The True Crime podcasts, I have a friend that listens to him all too. And I will message her, I'm like, I'm done with this one, give me another one. And that is a space where I have had to balance my consumption, there are certain podcasts that I don't listen to anymore, because they make me anxious, or I don't like the ones that are unresolved. I like cases close, the guy went to jail, I want to, I want to know that one. Because there were some that were just like making me fearful of everyday life. Now, I like to be aware, I talked to my children on the regular about there are bad people out there, they're terrible things that people would want to do to you. Be aware of your surroundings. So there is a sense of like, I do use it to teach my children to help protect them. Safer, thank you. But it again, if you're consuming it all the time, and that's all you think about that that's not a great space. I mean, I watched Dexter, the TV show, I literally I would start at the back of the couch with my back against it. By the end of the show, I was up on the edge of my seat. And my hands were clenched. Because I was so anxious about like, is it gonna get caught? What's going on? I don't know. And then I was like, why am I doing this? Myself, my entire body was like, the stress and the adrenaline. And I was like, I don't want that. So I stopped watching Dexter for that reason.

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Well, and I want to, I want to touch on that. Because I know so many people are actually feeling what you're feeling because there's a couple shows that I also my husband watches all those crazy shows too. And one of them I was the same way I'm like I'm out because then I couldn't sleep. So moving on to that just for a minute, like when your mental space isn't right, and it is consumed with all of this anxious ness and all of these feelings. You're not even sleeping, or you're watching the shows, or you're laying in bed scrolling social media fall across social media of something, you know, that is oh, now I'm going to have these expectations or comparing my marriage or comparing, you know what my kids are doing like you guys the consumption of this, if this is what you're thinking about that's causing you to not sleep, or it's causing you stress during the day, this is absolutely something that we want you to address personally. And to kind of before we wrap up, I want to go through the five really acronyms here of toxic. When we started talking about this unhealthy headspace take out your trash. Really, we had a lot of ideas, we had a lot of topics were like Man, this is something where we're also unloading and looking at Wow, we need to take out a lot of trash ourselves. And it's just like any health journey. It's just like a physical health journey, it takes time to take those baby steps to get on the right track of getting to where you want to go. Obviously, our goal is to help you step into who God called you to be. And in order to do that, you probably need to take out some trash and you probably need to look at that mental space and go okay, where do I need to start? And with toxic like we said before the I that inner belief that may be where you want to start. The tea actually is self talk. negative self talk, what are you telling yourself? What are the stories that you are making up that someone else has said about you? Which probably isn't true? The Oh, the occupation? Are you hustling? Are you not happy? Have you not found your purpose? Where are you in that mental space? And is that something that you need to work with a life coach on talk to someone who has been in your shoes to help you move forward in that area? X? Who needs to be your ex? Who needs to exit a relationship? And this is someone who causes you extra anxiety or stress when they call text or lack thereof? If they canceled plans with you. It's just not someone who in this season of life is filling you fulfilling your bucket? I obviously that inner belief, not enough. Are you telling yourself are you overthinking Are you people pleasing too much that is not aligning with who God says you are? Okay. And that last one is the consumption? are you consuming too much negative things that are causing you to have expectations on your life that are not real? How's that for toxic? That was really that was a incredible summary. Well done. I'm very impressed with that. That was very nice. Very nice. So bookmark that y'all. And you can just replay that. Three minutes of where she's going through the summary. That was excellent. Okay, so your call to action housewives is take something one thing, one thing from there, like she said, it's a slow baby step. If you try to take out five of these things at once, it's not going to happen and they're not going to stick. So decide that you want to remove one thing, one thing that you're going to focus on one thing you're going to change, but make that decision to stick with it. And until you get that one. Okay, I feel like this is good. Then move on to the next one. But don't do that until you have really made it solid One for one of them, or where you want to start. So absolutely Can I just say can't wait to be in the same closet with you next time? This just didn't feel the same. It didn't. It was hard to vibe off of each other like we do. I know. But yeah, it's going to be interesting. You guys will have to let us know. Like no be in the closet together. Yeah, uh huh. Uh huh. And no one will understand what you're talking about. That's gonna make when we post this on Instagram, make that be or if you liked it, separate closets or same closet. You can put that in the comments and we'll confuse everybody. We love it. All right, you guys. We love you housewives. And we will see you next week. Whether we made you laugh or cry today, we pray you feel appreciated bolder and braver than yesterday. stronger and more faithful for tomorrow, but living in who you were made to be today. Join our online community on Facebook. Find our link in the show notes. Be sure to review and subscribe on Apple podcasts or wherever you enjoy listening. Until next time, housewives. We give you permission to walk confidently freely be intentional in your slippers or so let us

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