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Unoffended: Live Without Offense, Episode 10


Hey housewives. Come on in. You know, the dirty dishes are still in the sink and the laundry is still in the basket. Pop your air pods and make yourself at home here. I'm Tori. I'm Tracy. And we are You're unlikely housewives stepping out in faith and believing that God calls me unlikely. We are here to show you the appreciation and validation you deserve lead you to authentic relationships and release you from believing the cultural lies to restore your faith and wellness. Pull up those high waisted yoga pants. Tighten your top knot and reheat your coffee for the third time today. Turn up the volume and let's go hey, housewives, how are you doing? Hey, happy Tuesday. We are so glad you are here. Okay, Tracy, I know before we get started, I know it's cold on the cost. Because it's a little cold in here. It does feel like it's negative to outside with the windshield. So in all fairness, I just made a pot of coffee. Can I get you some coffee? Before we say no? Thanks. I'm good. She doesn't want my coffee. Why doesn't Tracy want my coffee? You guys do not make good enough coffee. Does she not like the coffee? Is it too watery? Is it too strong? Why doesn't she want coffee? Okay, I'm gonna have to process this. Okay, guys. Well, I'm gonna read a review. Okay. All right, let's just jump into a very positive review from be well, MLC. She says thank you for starting this podcast. I relate to so much of what you have shared. It is so nice knowing that I'm not alone in these thoughts, and to have different ways to think about struggles. I truly love listening to you. Thank you so much for your review. And for those of you that would like to have your review read, please hop over to Apple podcasts. Give us a five star and tell us something encouraging. Thank you guys. Thank you and thank you be well MLC. Okay, so today's topic is on offended. Yeah, let's stop living offended. So before we kind of jump into our stories, I absolutely love a new book called the opposite life by Alex Seeley. We'll put the link in the show notes. But in this chapter in her book, she says this fine really resonates with me. I truly believe there is a fine line between being offended and staying offended, that can make or break someone. So we obviously have some personal stories to share about being offended. And I'm sure you housewives have never been offended in your entire life. Right? You guys like you guys are just like, No, everybody thinks I'm perfect. This is amazing. So my most most recent I go so most recent being a time of being offended. And this is a double hitter. Because not only did I offend individuals, but then I also took offense to it. I don't know if you know this about me, Tracy. But I love humor. And I love to make people laugh. I love it because it makes me laugh. And I made a real. And this real happened to be about the current President Biden, let's explain real quick what a real is okay, on Instagramers are not Instagramers. It is a short video that is less than 60 seconds, and there is set audio that you can do. And lots of them are funny. Those are the ones that I like to watch. Yes, some of them can be motivational. Some of them are just gonna like the ones that are funny. Yeah. So that's just my personality. Anyways, so I make this real. And I am reflecting something about President Biden. And in the comments, I get funny. Hahaha, you know, and that's why I do the things I love to make people laugh. Yeah. And there were two commenters who don't even follow me, mind you. They just saw the real come up and chose to make comment. And the thing that offended them was that I was making light of the situation with the President. Now, if that was all that they were insinuating that you're making light of a situation with the President. I don't appreciate that. Personally, I would not take offense to that. Right. Because that doesn't, okay, you were offended by watching it, but it wasn't your intention. Right.


And it wasn't clearly meant for them. If they didn't get the joke. You didn't get the joke. Fine. Okay, but that wasn't what they clearly said that they were offended by. They were offended by what I said about the president, but then they went so far, to question my faith and said, by making fun of the situation, you are not a good Christian. And that's not a very good example and you're not very Christ like now. I again, had they left it at that was not very nice. That was not Very respectful. I wouldn't have commented back wouldn't have said anything, I just would have been like, okay, the joke wasn't for you. However, when you go so far and question my relationship with Jesus, I got offended, right. And then I felt like I had to explain myself or prove myself justify justify myself in my relationship with Jesus. But here's the good news. I don't have to go to every fight I'm invited to. Yeah. And I don't have to explain myself to people who are trolling, trolling. And you aren't intent on misunderstanding me, and that I was a great point that I got from the account a girl named Blake, she's amazing if you don't follow her, but that was the point. And I had to let it go. Because I was like, who cares? Their opinion of my faith is not going to determine whether I get into habit I'm not right. So these people are not in my life on the daily their opinion of me does not matter. Nor is it any of my business. Right. Let's leave it at that. Your opinion of me is none of my business. And when I look at it that way, it doesn't matter as much. I'm not as offended. Yeah. So but that was a an offense that I recently experienced and felt in work through and prayed through. Right, exactly. And I think your situation is probably more current, because of social media offensiveness, like oh, are being offended by I mean, I know you know, you've been out there, you've scrolling, someone makes a post. And then you got to click the comments to see what everybody else says, And was your way. And then you get to the bottom and you're offended, and it wasn't even about you. You know. So that's her story. Now, my story is a little bit different, because mine is actually being recurringly funded. I am in Enneagram. Two, we've talked about this, I am a feeler and I get my feelings hurt a lot. And as a new Mama, my least favorite phrase is, you have your hands full, because you know what, I'm just trying to do my best. And I have so many circumstances and situations where I've been at the grocery store, or we've been out to dinner with our family. And when those kids were little, and I had four kids under the age of six, I can't imagine what people thought. But the first thing that came to their mind was you have your hands full. And that's what they would say to me. So in my mind, I'm pushing the cart and I'm going I'm a terrible mom, they think I'm awful. I can't keep it together. I must look like a hot mess. I carried that with me all the time. Like it was super hard to let that go. Because it happens all the time then got a little stronger. My faith got a little wiser as kids got older, and I kind of got my shit together. And well, that's still debatable. No, no. You have your hands full. I now turn into because I still get it. Don't worry is bestline mama, you can use this. Yeah, I may have my hands full. But my heart's more full. Boom, take that person. Let's just be honest, we can take those, like I said, and all those different feelings and those emotions. But we don't have to hold on to that. Because just because someone recognizes something in the grocery store, like, you know what, instead don't give them a high five and be like, dang, Mama, you're doing awesome. Like I became that mom that would fist bump and high five. Be like, yep, that's hard. But I'm with you. Like I would do that. You know? Yeah. Two fingers. Look into each other's eyes like we're in this together. Absolutely. Well, and you know what I know for a fact, as a mom of two, only two. I am sure that I have said, Oh, wow. He's got your hands full to a mom of multiples and multiples of multiples. Right. And I didn't know that is possibly something that people look at or feel. But it was never my intent that way. No and right. No one ever I took it that way. Exactly. Yeah, that's right, is that we it's the story that we tell ourselves of why they're saying something. Yeah. And that's why we get it. But okay, so let's talk about not only like, those are just little examples, life examples that we sure that you guys can relate to. Mm hmm. But what offends people? Well, there's a lot of things currently, especially now, obviously, racism, patriarchy. Yeah. of religious beliefs. Political views. Hmm. Yeah. That's fresh parenting styles.


Or how about the way I dress and if my skirt is too short? Oh, yeah. What about the size I am? Or if I'm physically fit or not? Yes. Or the way I labeled myself that can be offending people. Absolutely. Right. These are all categories, ideas, things that are extremely sensitive, involving feelings and emotions that can be offensive, and how you talk about it. Just tell them how hard this was to create this podcast and talk about it. Right? We're having to work through a lot here once we hit publish on this podcast, because for us, we're gonna be like, Okay, did we offend? Anybody? And what is the back? So we're gonna get and what is this? But what was interesting about when we had talked about this topic and going through content, what we wanted to use, we have a long list of different topics and different episode ideas. And when we read the word, undefended, we're like, oh, we've got to do that one like that. One was both we stopped on it. We knew exactly. That's where God wanted us. And so there's going to be some work behind the scenes for us even Yeah, have to let go. Because we know that this is what God wanted us to talk about. This is where he needed us to be and speak into. And so we're because we know that everyone is being offended right now. Right? I mean, that is the culture that we're living in fending ideas, the discussions that we have, turn into offensive discussions, and they don't need to be what happens is just like we were talking about the social media, when it gets to attacking an individual, that's when it hurts, and it's offensive. You can have conversations about the beliefs and ideas. But once you hit the person, like that's when you're like, oof, we listen to this really good TED talk, and the speaker, and it gave a really great analogy about as if you were playing a game. So let's say for example, Tracy and I are playing a game. I think it's the most boring game in the world. Tracy loves it. And if I come to Tracy and say, Hey, instead of playing this game, can we maybe do something different? I'm not finding the joy in it that you're finding, you know, it's just not my jam. Sure, we'll move on to something else, right? Or, I can go to Tracy and say, hey, you know, this game that you want to play? Yeah, it's a really boring game. And so it's boring, because you're not smart. You're not really nice about it. You're, it was a terrible idea of yours. And actually, you're not even very good at it. So I don't want to play this anymore. Yeah, now I feel a little different. It's a little bit different, right. But her and I can agree to disagree on the value of the game. She thinks it's the best game. It's her favorite game, not my favorite game. Yeah, if that is a space where we can live and be where we're not offending each other. It's easier to be offended in that spot. Now she can still choose to be offended, because it's not my favorite game. But that's her reaction. I have no responsibility in that, right? We're gonna say this probably more than one time. And we started with this. But being in staying offended, is a choice. Right? There will always be people who are offended. It's what is happening. It's not your intention, but it will happen in me. I'm a people pleaser. Like, I avoid conversations about all kinds of things like freaking dodgeball. I know I'm smart. I know. I'm intelligent. I know, I'm do my research. I know I am well equipped to have a very good conversation with people. However, I'm always afraid I have this fear that I'm going to offend them. So I hold myself away from those conversations. But what if my intent obviously isn't to be offensive? So how do we get to that point where we let go, and we have meaningful conversations with people about ideas and topics that are currently happening? Because that's the thing, nobody's talking? Because we're all afraid we're gonna offend everybody. But we need to be in this community state.


Well, and I think, what if it's funny that you just said it this way, and we've been talking about this all morning, is there's a visual that just came to mind. It was an Andy Stanley sermon series, and it was actually on love. And it was two mugs, a mug full of blue beads and a mug full of pink beads. Because to when we were talking about this, Andrew, my husband happened to be in the room and he was also talking about, like, at what point how in marriage? Does offense happen? Right? Okay. Is Chris your biggest fan? Yes. Do you know Chris has your back? Yes. Would Chris take a bullet for you or any of the kids 100% Okay, how often are you offended by Chris? Oh, I love you. Okay, I can say the exact same thing about Andrew. Right? But because we love those men so much. We are so quick choosing to be offended by something that they say. Going back to the mugs right? The point of it is when those mugs fight if you hit those mugs two together, blue beads and pink beads are going to automatically come out of it. Okay, the offense was already in it, the decision was already in it. Andrew didn't put the pink beads in the mug. So when he says something to me, and that makes the pink beads come out, I'm choosing for the pink beads to come out. I'm choosing for the anger for the offense to come out that was already in me. It was my reaction to being hit on the outside. Yeah. And so with people that we love, it's really easy to get offended. I mean, so many times as wives and spouses, we are offended by something that our husband says, okay, women, do you want your husband when you turn around and that dress and say does this dress make my butt look big? Okay. Do you want him to say? Yes. What's your reaction to that? Okay. All right. This is something I got married when I was 21 years old. young and dumb, okay? No, world exhume whatsoever. Okay. And it's a miracle that Andrew and I are still married. But one of the things my friends couldn't understand at the time, was that when I asked Andrew, if an outfit wasn't flattering, if I look fat, and something he would tell me, yes. And they were like, no, why. supposed to say that? And honest to goodness, they were so mad that that is mean, from the get go. I was like, no, it's actually not. He's telling me the truth. He's being honest. He's being honest. And my reaction to that, okay, so if he says, Yeah, your bot looks a little bit big on that. My reaction is like, oh, okay, thanks. So I won't wear these pants. These are not flattering pants. My reaction was to be like, Ooh, I should probably hit the gym a couple more days a week because I wanted how much events you took to it. Right? Exactly. So I find that so interesting on how quickly we lean into getting offended by our spouse is when again, it's natural. Then you take in what we're all dealing with and what what is like floating around out there, and we're constantly offended. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Hey, Tori. Did you want some gum? No, we don't want any gum. Okay. She's asking me if I want gum because my breath smells because I've been drinking coffee all morning. I don't like mint gum. I don't like the gum that she brings. She brings weird comp. I don't like the crunchy gum. Why people get so offended. Why do you think people get offended? Because we're playing the comparison game? Maybe we're telling ourselves a story. That's not true. Because I like mint gum. Might like mint gum. You're awesome. I like coffee, and just not wanting it at the moment. I hope y'all are seeing our hammer in this and these examples with you guys. But


I do want to talk about past hurts because obviously I've had some past hurts and one being you have your hands full. You know, that was like my example. You know, there's examples from high school. There's examples from friendships, there's examples from you know, college, she's already shared about spouses, you guys past hurts, that are not healed, lead to a quick trigger of being offended. And that is something that it takes time to get here. It takes time to get to a place of acknowledging it. Okay. We have recently been offended. We have admitted that we still take offense to it because we're human. And we have hearts and we love people. But are we choosing to stay? There is the question. She already said comparison. That's another way of being offended. Another one is like unmet expectations. An example of unmet expectation to me, is the friendship part of they say they're going to be there. They say they're going to show up. Now I get that things come up. I have four kids. Goodness, my schedule is pretty crazy, right? But I also am a person who is really strong and standing in my word. So if I say I'm going to be there for you, Tori, I'm going to be there. Right? Right. So maybe it's going out to dinner, maybe it's going on a trip, maybe it is just helping you with something. If you say you're going to be there, be there. And if it's in response is I can't I'm sorry. I can't make it. Okay, that a lot of people take offense to it. Like, we don't know that other person's story. Now, do I want them to show up and be there for me? Absolutely. But if they're going through something, or their marriage, or their kids or there's something going on, it's not about me, right? They're not telling you that. And that's what we're so I don't know if you know this or not, but as human beings, we're very vain. We think everything we think everything is about us. We think everybody's response reaction, the story they're talking about is about us. Yeah. And I think there's a song about that. The unmet expectations is probably the highest one. We don't know what's going on in other people's worlds. There's a lot of things that we don't, I'm willing to admit that I include About a whole lot of stuff going on in the kids schools and their classrooms and whatever, and a parent will say to me, Hey, did you know that this is going on? Oh, yeah, no, I didn't. Maybe I should pay attention to that a little bit more. I am not offended that I don't know what's going on. And she does. Right. And honestly, people are yes, that they're, they're not in the midst of it. But something else that I heard long ago. Nobody thinks about you more than you do. Mm hmm. So often, we can read a post on Facebook that somebody is rant, you know, the the people that start talking about, like, I had a situation today, and they're very vague, right? It's so vague that it could be about absolutely anything and anybody in any circumstance. And I bet you 20 People read that post and go, Oh, she talking about me. She's talking about me, just talking about that phone call that I didn't make to her this afternoon. And it probably most likely 95% of the time was not about you is about the store clerk who was rude to her when she was checking out of a target. Yeah, like, but we automatically assume that everything is about we also assume that anything that happens to us is because of us. Yeah, or our situation or our circumstance. The kids didn't get into that school because I have this political belief. Oh, we didn't get invited that birthday party because we believe this or we don't do this for our family. And you know what, we didn't get invited to a birthday party because that kid had a five kids limit. Right? That's why Yeah. And so we're so quick to assume all these assumptions is that you didn't get that job promotion, because of your level of education, the political views that you have on Facebook, the color of your skin, the whatever it is, we're so quick to think when we like, have no idea. We're making it about us when we didn't get that promotion because we weren't the most qualified. The person that got the job has 10 more years experience, or maybe they don't have the experience, but maybe they have a value that we don't even know about, right. Let's wrap this up. offending someone is inevitable. We know that Right? Right. Absolutely. Like emotions, feelings super high right now, especially. But we know you can learn to be intentional about living and offended,


right? Because it's a choice. Yes. We get to choose how we react to things that happen to us. Yeah, I cannot control what you do. Tracy, I cannot control your response. Your reaction to me offering new coffee and you saying no, I can control me and how she didn't want coffee. Because y'all, she is drinking a gallon of water every single day. And she already has to pee 1000 times. Okay, so that is why she didn't want eight ounces of coffee. Okay, and she didn't want my gum because it was mitten oranges her favorite flavor. Exactly. Right. Okay. So I guarantee you that somebody is going to get offended by this podcast. I guarantee you, Tracy. I know. However, at the same time, you and I can agree and help each other and keep each other accountable, that we are going to decide, no matter how this plays out, that we're not going to be offended. Yeah, absolutely. And we want to leave you with a quote from Aleksey Lee's book, again that I referenced at the beginning of the podcast and it will be in the shownotes. And it says imagine a world where the people of God lived undefended. Imagine a world where people pursued relationships even when they got hurt. Imagine a world where people lived like Jesus FULL of God's spirit where nothing could affect their love and mission for the people God had called them to serve. Our question is definitely you know, we'll probably get well how do you live like that we're humans, we always get hurt. But it is a choice. And it is something that you have to work through. It doesn't come naturally. It comes by growing in your faith. It comes by knowing that you do not have to be defined by someone else's beliefs or what they have said to you. Now this is going to be I would say, it's hard for everybody. But for those that believe in Jesus, and that have accepted them as our Lord and Savior, there is something that a truth that we can hold on to. This again is from Alex Haley's book, when God comes into our lives to save us and to make us whole we need to receive the fullness of His love. Then, when we face the inevitable disappointment of hurt from others, we aren't wounded and offended because honest to goodness, anybody's opinion your view is none of your business, the only person that their opinion of you God's Right, absolutely close that out. And to say that is if that is not something that you know, if that is not something that you have ever experienced God love, or you didn't know that, that God fully accepts you and loves you for who you are. That is something that we would love to have a conversation with you, please feel free to reach out to us, we would be happy to talk to you more about that. Because that is something that we truly believe that everybody should know. And experience. Yeah. And I think we have covered this topic very lightly, hopefully with humor. We do. And with some examples, and some stories that maybe can hit home. But really, as we end every episode, we really want to encourage you and our encouragement for you is to take a moment and ask yourself, Am I living offended? Do you need to let go of some past hurts some feelings of something so that when you walk into a space and that person is there, or you're in a relationship and you want it to heal? Do you need to accept it living undefended and moving on? We know it's not easy. We know it takes time. But we encourage you to challenge yourself to do that because we know that being offended is a snowball. And we want you to melt that frickin snowball, right? Like, just let it go because you are going to live you are going to feel so much more free have so much more peace, live with so much more joy. And that is our encouragement to you. Yeah. And don't be afraid to if you are trying to tackle that past hurt and feeling and you feel that you cannot do that on your own. That is okay. Find a counselor, somebody a therapist, somebody that you trust that you can process that with because a lot of times we have an issue process setting in our brain so don't be afraid to reach out to somebody you know you trust or a professional to get that help to find that out because like we said sometimes it's easier said than done, especially depending on the level of past hurts and feelings that you've had. Yes. So thank you for listening in in just so you know, keep an eye out because in a couple days there will be a bonus episode. We're so excited and we are we have even another guest interview lined up and so we are growing we are and we are excited about it. So just keep an eye out and share this on your social media feeds. Share


this with a friend who you do offended you kidding. I'll talk to you later housewives. Whether we made you laugh or cry today, we pray you feel appreciated bolder and braver than yesterday. stronger and more faithful for tomorrow, but living in who you were made to be today. Join our online community on Facebook, find our link in the show notes. Be sure to review and subscribe on Apple podcasts or wherever you enjoy listening. Until next time housewives we give you permission to walk confidently freely. Be intentional in your slippers or stilettos.

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